WILLIS OR WILMA?

Today, we took Willis to the vet to have his wings and toenails clipped. When we walked into the waiting room, he started laughing loudly and then said, “Ooooooohhhhhh” and then his usual, “Hey Willis.” Then, he informed everyone in the waiting room, “I am a pretty bird.” I’m not making this stuff up, I promise. I have witnesses. While he waited, he sat in front of the receptionist and stared a hole through her. Every time the phone rang or she picked something up, he cocked his head and just found it all very interesting. Will and I sat back and laughed at him.

They came and took him to the back while Will and I waited because they don’t let us watch the clipping. It is very traumatic for Willis. They have to hold him down and stuff and sometimes we can hear him yelling and it is just no good at all.

While we were waiting, this lady came out of the back who was about 96, I’d say. She was carrying a puppy and had a wrist brace on. Ok, so the lady takes the puppy to this little counter so she could write a check. 96 year old lady, wrist brace, writing a check, tiny counter=puppy is going to fall on the floor.

Will decided to offer to hold the puppy for her after we had a heart attack watching it slip and slide on the counter. Well, apparently that was her cue to start telling everyone her life story. So, Will just stood there holding the puppy while she went on and on and on. He didn’t know what to do because the puppy started crying because it wanted to leave. He was trying to rock it and everything and it was just funny….you had to be there.

Next, in comes a lady with a canary. She was about 90. Y’all think I am making this up, I’m not. Of course, I have to go see the bird and talk to it and the first thing she tells me is that it only has one leg. She said that the leg had to be amputated yesterday, but it was doing fine. I was like, oh no, how horrible. I just felt so bad for this bird. Here comes the funny part…I asked her what its name was and she said it didn’t have one and would I give it one! I was like, well, ummmm….and I was trying to think of anything but the obvious because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Leave it to Will to shout out “Stumpy!” The lady just kind of looked at him and I was laughing….hard. Poor little bird…

The lady eventually said she didn’t want to give the bird a “complex” so she wasn’t sure what she would name it yet. Then I asked her how old the bird was and she said, “Celery, apples, and grapes.” I was like “Oh, that is very interesting.” Obviously, she couldn’t hear. I tried again louder—“How old is your bird?” Her response—“He loves to whistle.” I could see Will out of the corner of my eye laughing. Poor lady…and poor bird!

Back to Willis—I had noticed this morning that he was guarding his left foot a little like it was hurting him. After they brought him back out, he was really holding it funny. He was past due for his annual exam so I asked if the vet could go ahead and see him today.

They agreed and took all 3 of us back to a room. Well, in walks this lady, with the vet, holding a towel. She threw it over Willis, and he hates towels to no end, grabbed him around the throat with one hand and held his feet together with the other. I tried to be calm. I really tried. The vet was examining him while he was in a literal choke-hold.

At one point, I noticed that I had stood up. I didn’t even realize it. Willis was having an absolute panic attack and I was about to freak out. In the meantime, the vet was feeling his abdomen, looking in his ears, etc. Apparently, I started easing closer and closer to them because Will was getting ready to put his arm out to stop me. Unbeknownst to the vet and the tech, I was getting ready to grab my bird out of their hands and leave the building.

Then, I started crying…yes crying! I couldn’t help it. They were torturing him! He didn’t want to be held down. He’s just a little baby parrot…poor little thing. Well, I guess they sensed that I was getting ready to throw a “Southern Girl Fit” because the vet asked if we wanted them to go to another room to draw the blood, that they weren’t hurting him, that is how birds have to be held….WHATEVER!

Ok, so they left and did who knows what to him. The whole time, I was drilling Will with questions, “What do you think they are doing to him? Why is it taking them so long? Can’t you just go through those doors, peek in, and see what exactly they are doing to him?” I was like a crazy person sitting in there.

Outside the door, we heard the vet ask the tech what his weight was. He told her and we heard her exclaim, “You have got to be kidding me!” I was like, “What in the world? He is not fat!”

Fast forward….Willis is brought back in. His feathers are ruffled everywhere and he is just pitiful, pitiful, pitiful. He is sitting there glaring at me like I did all this.

The first thing the vet told us is that his foot was sprained and that is why he was guarding it. She said it isn’t anything major and he probably just hurt it on a toy and she gave him a shot of aspirin. I am supposed to give him some aspirin by mouth tomorrow and then if he is still acting weird with it, she is going to mail us some medicine.

By the way, the medicine is in a syringe and Will informed me in the car that we were supposed to inject it in his foot. He is such a nut! Trust me people, this syringe has no needle in it.

Then she told us that they had a hard time finding his jugular vein because he is “chubby.” I found this a little offensive. I mean, again, he is just a little baby parrot….poor little thing. She said he was “significantly” overweight and we need to stop giving him so many parrot pellets and give him more fruits and vegetables. He isn’t going to be happy about this, but we shall try.

For the past 6 months, Willis has been attracted to his toys….I mean VERY attracted to them. So, I told the vet about it. I said, “I don’t know how else to say this, but he is getting very friendly with his toys and making all kinds of sex noises.” Well, I would give a limb to see the look on Will’s face again. I was like, “What?!” I had to ask because it drives me insane when he does it and he goes from being, “just a baby parrot…poor little thing” to “nasty, disgusting parrot…have some dignity.”

Well anyway, the vet laughed and said that she is having the exact same problem with her cockatiel and she is going to give it some Lupron because it is embarrassing her in front of her friends. She said it is normal and happens about 6 months out of the year during their “hormonal phase.”

As most of you know, we don’t know if Willis is male or female. The only way to tell on birds is to have their blood typed. So, I asked her if he/she was going to lay an egg, what age would it be. She said 6. He is 4 now. Then she told us this horrible story about another parrot.

The parrot came in for an exam, the owner mentioned that it was doing the “hormonal” thing, the vet explained why, but apparently the lady didn’t want the bird to take Lupron. The very next week, it tried to lay an egg so large that it literally ruptured her insides and the bird died. And yes, I cried during this story.

She said that we really needed to go ahead and find out Willis’s sex so she could treat him with Lupron if he turns out to be a she so there would be less chance of him/her laying an egg.

So….his blood has been sent to CA for DNA testing. We will find out in 14 days if he is a boy or a girl. I don’t know how I will handle it, if he turns out to be a she. I really don’t. His/her name will still be Willis…I do know that.

Ok, well just wanted to share my day. Raise your hand if you learned something new about birds. I will post the results of his DNA test once we get them. Keep your fingers crossed….boy, boy, boy.