RUNNING ON EMPTY

As I write this, I am ingesting very strong coffee in an attempt to get motivated to study. I am down to the final 8 weeks of this nursing program and I am having to dig deep and push through.

The past two years have been the hardest times of my life. I can remember struggling for weeks to make the decision to leave my very well paying job of 7 years and obtain another degree. My days at USC, though difficult, seem to pale in comparison to the mental and physical stress of nursing school.

I majored in Biology at USC. I was a pre-med student. I was going to be a doctor, I thought. You couldn't have told me any different. Ha, ha. After I graduated in 1997, I knew I wasn't going to medical school.

As the years passed, the field of nursing repeatedly called my name. I do believe that I was called to do this type of work. As I have written before, I never really understood what people meant when they said that God told them to do something. I didn't know if they thought they heard His voice in their head or what. I now know exactly what they meant, because I was told what I needed to do and explaining how I know that God "spoke" to me is impossible.

Oh, I have complained....a LOT....throughout this two years, and will in the 8 weeks to come. I complained about the presentation I had to give in the picture above. I've complained about being overwhelmingly tired too many times to count. I've complained about having to study. I've complained about having to get up at 4:30am. I've complained a lot. I'm human.

But, and I've said this before, every single time I have been in the clinical setting....every single time...God has given me some sort of reminder of why I am in this place in my life now. Whether it was through gratitude expressed by a patient, something said to me by a patient's family, or even just a kind word from a classmate, nurse, or teacher, the reminders have been clear and they are abundant.

As I write this, I am tired. I am tired. I am tired. I am tired. But, because I know that I am absolutely, without a doubt, doing what I was told to do, I will find the motivation to study all weekend. I will find the motivation to finish the next 8 weeks. I will accomplish it. I know, because God already told me so....more than once.