So, I got it in my mind that I needed to get a spray tan for an upcoming trip to Hilton Head. I have tried many times this year to lay out and it is just too hot! I really need to get a little pool, even if it is just big enough to float in. Some of you may remember when I had a redneck pool, so named, because I put it right in my driveway. I loved that pool.
Anyway, I called to book the spray tan. I told the lady I had never had one before. She informed me that they would scrub all the dead skin off first, then put me under a vichey shower, and then spray me. I was like, a vichey what?
The morning of the appointment, I had my final exam for psych nursing. After the exam, I had coffee and donuts with friends (hey friends!) to celebrate the fact that we made it through another class. By the time I reached the spa, I was good and tired.
When I walked in, I was told to change into a robe and slippers. I was like, “What am I supposed to wear under the robe?” The lady said, “Oh, nothing. They are going to give you some paper underwear anyway.” It was at this point that the internal laughing began and I realized that I had gotten myself into yet another adventure.
Feeling quite absurd, I donned my robe and slippers and was told to climb a spiral staircase to a waiting room. I climbed and climbed and needed some oxygen by the time I got to the top. I was sent to a waiting room with some kind of hippie music playing. It was dark and there were candles everywhere. There I sat, waiting for something to happen. I guess I was supposed to be relaxing. I’m not sure.
Finally, I was taken into a room and given the much anticipated paper underwear. They consisted of two strings, make that three strings, and a little tiny piece of paper for the front. Fun! I was told to put it on and then lay face down on a table.
Ok, first of all, this room was also dark, except for candles, and also had the hippie music. I was wondering when the peace pipe was going to be brought in the whole time. Anyway, the lady comes back in and proceeds to rub some kind of lotion on my feet. I’m sorry, but I was pretty uncomfortable. So…what did I do? Started talking ninety to nothing! The whole time she was scrubbing me with this lotion stuff, I was talking up a storm. “You going anywhere on vacation? I just finished my nursing final. You got any pets? How long have you been married? How long, exactly, does it take one to train for this kind of job?”
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to not talk during all of this and relax into it. Whatever!
After she scrubbed me half to death, it was time for the vichey shower. It consisted of a long bar with 7 shower heads, which the lady directed over my body for thirty full minutes…THIRTY! I must admit that this part was pretty relaxing. It was too loud to talk and it was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep. It was kind of like being in a car wash. I did almost drown once because I put my face down in some water on accident.
Ok, so fast forward to the end of the shower. I was told to lay there as long as I wanted. As soon as she left the room, I was up and putting my robe back on. I think I was supposed to stay in that room, but decided to go sit back in the lobby until she was ready for me. So, there I was with a shower cap on my head, and sitting in my robe, and another lady came into the lobby. She was there to get a massage. Now, she and I sat there and chatted it up like we had known each other forever! Then, my lady came back to get me.
I’m just not sure I was ready for this part. She told me to disrobe and that she would get me some more paper underwear if I wanted but they would cause tan lines. I opted to pass since the feeling of them being up my hind end wasn’t my cup of tea anyway. Then I was directed to stand on a blanket that had a fan behind it and had to drop my robe…sort of felt like a gynecologist visit at this point. Not good….
As I stood there, the lady sprayed me with something that looked like a water hose with a container attached to it. “Lift your arms. Turn to the left. Turn backwards…..and my personal favorite one…turn to the side and put one foot out as if doing a lunge.” Ok, people…me with a stranger…doing a naked lunge....yep.
After she was done, she told me that I could get dressed but not to put any underwear on and not to take a shower for 16 to 24 hours….16 to 24 hours. I was very, very sticky. It was just the grossest feeling. I came home and sat on towels in my recliner. As the hours went by, I began to see the orange setting in. I know fake tans when I see ‘em and this definitely was one!
By the next day, my face looked really orange and I had orange palms and feet. Given everything, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t go through this again.
After a day in Hilton Head and swimming in chlorine, the color faded and I was able to get a real tan…without doing one single naked lunge.
Anyway, I called to book the spray tan. I told the lady I had never had one before. She informed me that they would scrub all the dead skin off first, then put me under a vichey shower, and then spray me. I was like, a vichey what?
The morning of the appointment, I had my final exam for psych nursing. After the exam, I had coffee and donuts with friends (hey friends!) to celebrate the fact that we made it through another class. By the time I reached the spa, I was good and tired.
When I walked in, I was told to change into a robe and slippers. I was like, “What am I supposed to wear under the robe?” The lady said, “Oh, nothing. They are going to give you some paper underwear anyway.” It was at this point that the internal laughing began and I realized that I had gotten myself into yet another adventure.
Feeling quite absurd, I donned my robe and slippers and was told to climb a spiral staircase to a waiting room. I climbed and climbed and needed some oxygen by the time I got to the top. I was sent to a waiting room with some kind of hippie music playing. It was dark and there were candles everywhere. There I sat, waiting for something to happen. I guess I was supposed to be relaxing. I’m not sure.
Finally, I was taken into a room and given the much anticipated paper underwear. They consisted of two strings, make that three strings, and a little tiny piece of paper for the front. Fun! I was told to put it on and then lay face down on a table.
Ok, first of all, this room was also dark, except for candles, and also had the hippie music. I was wondering when the peace pipe was going to be brought in the whole time. Anyway, the lady comes back in and proceeds to rub some kind of lotion on my feet. I’m sorry, but I was pretty uncomfortable. So…what did I do? Started talking ninety to nothing! The whole time she was scrubbing me with this lotion stuff, I was talking up a storm. “You going anywhere on vacation? I just finished my nursing final. You got any pets? How long have you been married? How long, exactly, does it take one to train for this kind of job?”
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to not talk during all of this and relax into it. Whatever!
After she scrubbed me half to death, it was time for the vichey shower. It consisted of a long bar with 7 shower heads, which the lady directed over my body for thirty full minutes…THIRTY! I must admit that this part was pretty relaxing. It was too loud to talk and it was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep. It was kind of like being in a car wash. I did almost drown once because I put my face down in some water on accident.
Ok, so fast forward to the end of the shower. I was told to lay there as long as I wanted. As soon as she left the room, I was up and putting my robe back on. I think I was supposed to stay in that room, but decided to go sit back in the lobby until she was ready for me. So, there I was with a shower cap on my head, and sitting in my robe, and another lady came into the lobby. She was there to get a massage. Now, she and I sat there and chatted it up like we had known each other forever! Then, my lady came back to get me.
I’m just not sure I was ready for this part. She told me to disrobe and that she would get me some more paper underwear if I wanted but they would cause tan lines. I opted to pass since the feeling of them being up my hind end wasn’t my cup of tea anyway. Then I was directed to stand on a blanket that had a fan behind it and had to drop my robe…sort of felt like a gynecologist visit at this point. Not good….
As I stood there, the lady sprayed me with something that looked like a water hose with a container attached to it. “Lift your arms. Turn to the left. Turn backwards…..and my personal favorite one…turn to the side and put one foot out as if doing a lunge.” Ok, people…me with a stranger…doing a naked lunge....yep.
After she was done, she told me that I could get dressed but not to put any underwear on and not to take a shower for 16 to 24 hours….16 to 24 hours. I was very, very sticky. It was just the grossest feeling. I came home and sat on towels in my recliner. As the hours went by, I began to see the orange setting in. I know fake tans when I see ‘em and this definitely was one!
By the next day, my face looked really orange and I had orange palms and feet. Given everything, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t go through this again.
After a day in Hilton Head and swimming in chlorine, the color faded and I was able to get a real tan…without doing one single naked lunge.
6 comments:
Ok, so I know now that I don't want to get a spray tan! I thought a machine did it! There's no way I am stripping naked in front of somebody. It was funny to read though!
I would love to see this naked lunge at home sometime!
You are insane!!!!!!!!
Good grief chick, you have all the fun don't you?!? Hope your PTSD is minor....... : )
Excuse me!!! You need to re-take the Psych class, okay.
Aunt Regina sent me your blog address. Just wanted you to know I'm sitting here all alone about 6:00 am reading this and laughing so hard I'm crying. Looking forward to reading all your posting.
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