17/18 WEEKS

I haven't been in a hurry to update the blog, because there isn't much new. I will find out the sex on 5/22...finally! I'm still sick. I still weigh less than before I got pregnant. I still hate food. Same 'ol, same 'ol. I was recently at Publix. There was a very pregnant lady in the line in front of me. She was beautiful. She was tan, had make up on, hair was done, but worst of all...she was smiling and laughing with the cashier! I seriously wanted to ram her heels with my buggy. How dare she feel well and look fabulous while I had to lean on the buggy to keep from passing out and looked like the beast off Beauty and the Beast! UGH!!! At that same Publix, this little dude asked me if I wanted to sample some sushi. Oh my goodness. It was all I could do not to knock his sushi table apart with my buggy. It probably should be illegal to give a sick, pregnant woman a buggy. Really. It's bad enough the fruit is right by the seafood so I have to smell it while I'm trying to shop, but for him to be so bold as to ask me if I wanted to try some...that was craziness on his part. Oh, I just smiled and said, "no, thank you", but that's not what my mind was thinking! I'm not sure what to do about the lack of desire to eat food. Imagine your favorite food. Go ahead. A lot of you might say pizza. Now imagine that you are starving and someone puts hot pizza in front of you. It smells great. It looks great. Now imagine that someone pours a combination of vinegar and vomit on it. Would you still eat it? No, you wouldn't. Welcome to my world. I'm actually throwing up more here lately than ever before. I have wondered, without trying to be a drama queen, if I was even going to make it at times. Seriously. I've lost two children and there is just no getting over that. No way, shape, or form. Not possible. It makes a person paranoid. My only request to God is that he take me too if something happened and the baby wasn't going to make it this time. But, I've had these weird nightmares where I don't make it, but the baby is healthy and can't get out. HOW MORBID IS THAT???? I'm going crazy, people. Let's move on to nicer things. I got my first Mother's Day gift. Pretty, huh?

A lot of people told me Happy Mother's Day and that felt pretty surreal. My co-workers have been a big help, especially my techs. They wont let me lift anyone! I do appreciate the help and the concern. I really do. But, it stinks to have lost some independence. My poor co-workers have also had to endure some attitude. I get up at 430am, I throw up, I try to eat, I can't, I lay down several times while getting dressed, I gag on the ride to work, I throw up at work, and I hear this from person after person after person..."Are you feeling any better yet?" I'm already not a morning person. I don't even like people talking to me that early. Add in the sickness and the repetition and it gets scary. By the time that 5th person asks me, I'm ready to scream, "I'M STILL SICK! CAN'T YOU TELL???" But, I don't. I do start saying, "no" and walking off though. That's rude of me. I can't help it. We aren't supposed to be talking about the sickness, huh? Nicer things. Ummmmm....ah, I have a nursery now! A room I can actually call a nursery. I moved into a 3 bedroom home. That is a relief. I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to put the baby in a drawer like they did in the old days. I'll end with this email I received from my cousin, Bryan Cribbs. It made me laugh, but I think there is some revenge to be had here. Cindy, I saw your blog pic today. You’re casting a mighty big shadow. Might want to make sure move around regularly while standing in the yard so all the grass gets equal amounts of sun. Love you -- BRYAN