Isn't the news depressing these days? Will and I have often discussed opening a news station that just broadcasted good news. Wouldn't that be a concept?
Luke 6:31-"And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." The Golden Rule. People across the world are familiar with this common motto of humanity. Do unto others as you'd have done unto you. A simple, but powerful, statement.
Sometimes I find myself wondering how there could be so much hate in this world. But, I personally feel there is more good out there and the bad is just focused on. The shock factor appears to lure us in. News stations provide "teasers" throughout the day such as, "Watch at 6 to learn about the baby that was thrown in the dumpster." or "Woman runs over her husband after he cheats on her."
Because of all the negativity in the world, little things that are "good" stand out to me in a major way. This past Sunday, Will and I were at a redlight. In front of us was a big Mercedes. An elderly man was driving it and he had a wheelchair tied to the back of it. When the light turned green, the man's car would not move. Will jumped out and began pushing the car to try and help him get out of the busy road and into a nearby parking lot.
He was pushing as hard as he could. That type of car is very heavy and he wasn't making much progress. It was also really hot that day. As I wondered what we were going to do to help this man, I noticed the man behind me open his truck door. He ran up to the car and began helping Will push. Even with the both of them, it was barely moving.
As they sweated, a truck coming in the other direction stopped in the median and a man ran over as fast as he could to help them. Now there were 3. A few seconds later, two men in a nearby parking lot sprinted to the car and began pushing. Now there were 5 of them. They pushed it a pretty long way. They stood in the parking lot, hands on their knees, trying to catch their breath. They gave each other a quick grin and then went back to where they came from knowing that they helped someone in need.
As I observed all of this, I teared up. Man is good. Man does do unto others as they would have done unto them. There is more good out there than bad. The bad are just given unnecessary attention.
"Tune in a 6 to hear about 5 strangers who worked together to help a man in need." Wouldn't that be a concept?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
HH TRIP
We’d never been to Hilton Head and decided to go there on vacation this year. We were there Tuesday-Saturday of last week. We stayed at Sea Pines Resort and it was a very laid back kind of place…loved it.
We arrived on the island about 3:00 Tuesday. After some initial confusion with our reservation, we were given a map to our villa. As we drove to it, we were pleasantly surprised by the beautiful trees that lined the road. It felt as if we were in the woods, not at the beach.
Our place was on the second floor overlooking the pool…score! The condo was really large. It had everything in it, from a kitchen to a full sized walk-in closet in the bedroom. The bathtub was unlike any I had ever seen. It was very deep and to get in it, we had to climb up some stairs up and then climb down into it…hard to explain. It was crazy, but soaking in it was nice. Above the tub was a huge sky light which allowed us views of the sky and trees…relaxing.
Beside the pool was a lagoon. In the lagoon, was an alligator. There are many alligators over the Sea Pines Resort property. There are signs telling people not to feed them. What does one try to feed an alligator anyway? Cheetos?
Tuesday night we ate at a restaurant called Topside at the Quarterdeck. It was right on the marina and we were given a window view. The sun was going down and it was just gorgeous. I had filet mignon which was really good. Will had some kind of pineapple salsa pork chop which he also liked. For dessert, he had bourbon pecan pie, which he ate in about two bites. After dinner, we walked around the marina a while and then headed out to the beach. It was absolutely breath taking because the moon was full and it was lit up and it was just wonderful. Being out there that night released months of stored up stress in seconds.
Wednesday morning, we got on our bikes and headed to a bakery. I guess I should tell you about the bikes. At this resort, you rent beach bikes, which are nothing like the spin bikes I am used to. Beach bikes have huge seats and loose handlebars. Spin bikes have tiny seats and stationary handle bars.
I didn’t think I would have any problems on the beach bike. WRONG! I quickly realized as we headed out that when people passed me going the opposite way, my bike would lean into them instead of away like I told it to do! Oh yes, I was talking to it. By the end of the trip, I was saying some words to it that nice southern girls don’t say.
I had the worst time trying to get used to that thing. The biking itself was very easy. It required little physical effort. It was the trying not to hit people part that was hard. I never did get used to it the entire time I was there. I screamed a lot and crashed a lot. Will, on the other hand, loved them. And, he loved making fun of me.
After breakfast, we headed to Lawton Stables where we had an appointment to go on an hour long horseback ride. Neither one of us have ridden many horses. The first thing we had to do when we got there was sign a waiver of course. Then we were directed to a bench with a can of bug spray and were told that it was “highly suggested” that we apply bug spray. If you live in the south and someone tells you that you should probably put on bug spray, how many of you would do it? Raise your hand. Just as I thought, all of you!
Well, this one dang city slicker decided she was too good for bug spray so I was like, whatever, you will learn. Once we were directed over to the horses and told to wait in a line, she got bit by something and about had a cow. And, I about had a cow laughing! I’m laughing now just thinking about it. It was just too hilarious! Guess what she did next? Had her son run back to the bench to get the bug spray where she proceeded to spray it on herself with the horses right beside us. Guess who doesn’t like bug spray? Horses! They started neighing…is that how you spell it…and having a fit. I then gave city slicker the look that said it all.
Ok, while we waited in a line, we were sized up by a man who would get a horse and then scan the line for the person that he thought would be suitable for it. I’m guessing that weight was a big factor. Will got picked to ride a horse named Bonita. He was given basic instructions on how to direct the horse and went and waited in line with the others.
My horse’s name was Tiger Lily and it was an adventure getting on her. For one thing, right when I had one leg over, she started trying to walk. That was really fun. Then once I finally got up there, the stirrups were too long and it took them FOREVER to fix them. Everyone else waited patiently for me. I keep telling them just to let my feet hang, but they told me I needed them in case we galloped. I don’t know who they thought was going to be doing any galloping, because I sure wasn’t! When I finally got near Will, I was like, “Were you scared that the horse was going to throw me off?” He said he didn’t even know the entire time that anything was wrong. Men!
Finally got on the trail and took an hour ride through the woods. It was really beautiful. We saw a snake and a gator. There was one problem though. About 10 minutes into the ride, I started hurting…my thighs and bootie. The girl in front of me, whose horse had major gas, told me that I would be sore in my abs the next day. She was right. I was pretty much sore everywhere. But, I don’t regret doing it. It was fun. Will really enjoyed it as well, more than he thought he would.
Once we got back to the stable, Will’s horse decided she wasn’t waiting for all the other horses. She tried to squeeze through all of us to get to the front and when that didn’t work she backed up and went the other way. Will was like, “Hello? Hello?” She wouldn’t do anything he told her to and I greatly enjoyed the laugh.
At the end, they take pictures. They told me and Will to get side by side on the horses and they would take the picture. Let me tell you, Tiger Lily was not about to take any pictures! They kept telling me to pull tighter on the reins so she would stop. I couldn’t have pulled any tighter. She wanted to get back in line with the other horses. The staff told me that she is the most temperamental horse that they have and that’s when Will proceeded to tell them that they picked the perfect rider for her. He’s a wiener. Anyway, they snapped the pictures the best they could.
After the horse ride, we went to the beach for a while. It was way too hot and we didn’t bring our umbrella. And Mr. Will refused to wear his bathing suit…because he likes to drive me utterly insane…so we couldn’t get in the water. We went back to the room and took a nap until it was time to get ready for dinner.
We chose a BBQ place that was supposed to be really good. It was off the resort and we were really looking forward to it. Will ended up loving his ribs. I got pulled pork and thought it looked exactly like pasta noodles. It was gross.
Next we went over to a little shopping center. We went into one place that had different kinds of bird things, like key rings, coffee mugs, etc. We are always on the lookout for Willis look-alike stuff so we looked forever in that place for him. We couldn’t find anything. We were disappointed, but on the way out, I glanced at a shelf and could not believe my eyes! There was a figurine that looked just like Willis! I had a little celebration right there in the store. It was only $14 and we love it.
Next, we walked by a shop that had a Macaw outside of its shop. Her name was Tiki. It was crazy because the bird just gets out of its cage when it wants to and walks down the sidewalk! Once it got down and started walking far away so Will went in to tell the owner and I got down there with her and tried to convince her to go back to her cage. Yes, the people walking by thought I was insane. The owner came out and told us that the bird likes to walk in the shop next door and pull the clothes off their racks! I sat there and played with that bird for like an hour straight. I had to get out my Willis statue, of course, to show the owner.
While we were talking to him, some punk kids came up and tried to harass the poor bird. The owner pushed one of them and told them to leave and I thought we were getting ready to be involved in a lovely little brawl. “Daddy and Mama, Can y’all come get us? We done got in a fight up in here at the Hilton Head and this is the only call we get.” I was sad to leave Tiki and wish I would have taken a picture of her.
Thursday morning, we slept in and then went and had lunch at a little place on the beach. We had picked up a beach umbrella the night before so we were prepared for the day. But, once we got on the beach, I noticed that it was way too windy for the umbrella. Do you think stubborn head would listen to me? Noooooo! He tried to put it up and it flipped inside out and flew off and it was all he could do to keep it from hitting some people behind us. We provided lots of entertainment while we worked to get it put away.
We sat out at the beach awhile and then headed home to get ready for dinner at an Italian place that I was excited about. It was a fancy little place and we loved it. I had homemade ribbons of pasta with marinara, veal, pork, and beef….yummy stuff. Will had duck which he absolutely loved. He did think of Willis once but the guilt passed quickly. For dessert, we had Tiramisu. I had mine boxed up but drank some very good coffee while I waited on him to finish. We went out to the marina afterwards and walked around a while.
Friday morning, I was determined to get some more beach time in. We had a quick breakfast and then got out there fairly early. We were able to set our umbrella up this time and opened it when we got hot. We even got in the water once. I couldn’t believe it. Since the whole sting ray incident (another story), I usually don’t get in the water. But, it was fun and I stayed close to Will so I could jump on his back if anything weird came by in the water.
We stayed on the beach the better part of the day. Late afternoon we came home and got our bikes and rode them on the beach. I really enjoyed that because there weren’t any people to hit! It was relaxing.
We had dinner at a place on the golf course. It was a little too snooty for us and the food wasn’t good. Also, I don’t think they like it when you wear your lime green flip flops with the blue parrots on them in there.
Saturday morning we packed up and headed home. I was very sad to leave, but was glad to get home as well. It was a good trip.
We arrived on the island about 3:00 Tuesday. After some initial confusion with our reservation, we were given a map to our villa. As we drove to it, we were pleasantly surprised by the beautiful trees that lined the road. It felt as if we were in the woods, not at the beach.
Our place was on the second floor overlooking the pool…score! The condo was really large. It had everything in it, from a kitchen to a full sized walk-in closet in the bedroom. The bathtub was unlike any I had ever seen. It was very deep and to get in it, we had to climb up some stairs up and then climb down into it…hard to explain. It was crazy, but soaking in it was nice. Above the tub was a huge sky light which allowed us views of the sky and trees…relaxing.
Beside the pool was a lagoon. In the lagoon, was an alligator. There are many alligators over the Sea Pines Resort property. There are signs telling people not to feed them. What does one try to feed an alligator anyway? Cheetos?
Tuesday night we ate at a restaurant called Topside at the Quarterdeck. It was right on the marina and we were given a window view. The sun was going down and it was just gorgeous. I had filet mignon which was really good. Will had some kind of pineapple salsa pork chop which he also liked. For dessert, he had bourbon pecan pie, which he ate in about two bites. After dinner, we walked around the marina a while and then headed out to the beach. It was absolutely breath taking because the moon was full and it was lit up and it was just wonderful. Being out there that night released months of stored up stress in seconds.
Wednesday morning, we got on our bikes and headed to a bakery. I guess I should tell you about the bikes. At this resort, you rent beach bikes, which are nothing like the spin bikes I am used to. Beach bikes have huge seats and loose handlebars. Spin bikes have tiny seats and stationary handle bars.
I didn’t think I would have any problems on the beach bike. WRONG! I quickly realized as we headed out that when people passed me going the opposite way, my bike would lean into them instead of away like I told it to do! Oh yes, I was talking to it. By the end of the trip, I was saying some words to it that nice southern girls don’t say.
I had the worst time trying to get used to that thing. The biking itself was very easy. It required little physical effort. It was the trying not to hit people part that was hard. I never did get used to it the entire time I was there. I screamed a lot and crashed a lot. Will, on the other hand, loved them. And, he loved making fun of me.
After breakfast, we headed to Lawton Stables where we had an appointment to go on an hour long horseback ride. Neither one of us have ridden many horses. The first thing we had to do when we got there was sign a waiver of course. Then we were directed to a bench with a can of bug spray and were told that it was “highly suggested” that we apply bug spray. If you live in the south and someone tells you that you should probably put on bug spray, how many of you would do it? Raise your hand. Just as I thought, all of you!
Well, this one dang city slicker decided she was too good for bug spray so I was like, whatever, you will learn. Once we were directed over to the horses and told to wait in a line, she got bit by something and about had a cow. And, I about had a cow laughing! I’m laughing now just thinking about it. It was just too hilarious! Guess what she did next? Had her son run back to the bench to get the bug spray where she proceeded to spray it on herself with the horses right beside us. Guess who doesn’t like bug spray? Horses! They started neighing…is that how you spell it…and having a fit. I then gave city slicker the look that said it all.
Ok, while we waited in a line, we were sized up by a man who would get a horse and then scan the line for the person that he thought would be suitable for it. I’m guessing that weight was a big factor. Will got picked to ride a horse named Bonita. He was given basic instructions on how to direct the horse and went and waited in line with the others.
My horse’s name was Tiger Lily and it was an adventure getting on her. For one thing, right when I had one leg over, she started trying to walk. That was really fun. Then once I finally got up there, the stirrups were too long and it took them FOREVER to fix them. Everyone else waited patiently for me. I keep telling them just to let my feet hang, but they told me I needed them in case we galloped. I don’t know who they thought was going to be doing any galloping, because I sure wasn’t! When I finally got near Will, I was like, “Were you scared that the horse was going to throw me off?” He said he didn’t even know the entire time that anything was wrong. Men!
Finally got on the trail and took an hour ride through the woods. It was really beautiful. We saw a snake and a gator. There was one problem though. About 10 minutes into the ride, I started hurting…my thighs and bootie. The girl in front of me, whose horse had major gas, told me that I would be sore in my abs the next day. She was right. I was pretty much sore everywhere. But, I don’t regret doing it. It was fun. Will really enjoyed it as well, more than he thought he would.
Once we got back to the stable, Will’s horse decided she wasn’t waiting for all the other horses. She tried to squeeze through all of us to get to the front and when that didn’t work she backed up and went the other way. Will was like, “Hello? Hello?” She wouldn’t do anything he told her to and I greatly enjoyed the laugh.
At the end, they take pictures. They told me and Will to get side by side on the horses and they would take the picture. Let me tell you, Tiger Lily was not about to take any pictures! They kept telling me to pull tighter on the reins so she would stop. I couldn’t have pulled any tighter. She wanted to get back in line with the other horses. The staff told me that she is the most temperamental horse that they have and that’s when Will proceeded to tell them that they picked the perfect rider for her. He’s a wiener. Anyway, they snapped the pictures the best they could.
After the horse ride, we went to the beach for a while. It was way too hot and we didn’t bring our umbrella. And Mr. Will refused to wear his bathing suit…because he likes to drive me utterly insane…so we couldn’t get in the water. We went back to the room and took a nap until it was time to get ready for dinner.
We chose a BBQ place that was supposed to be really good. It was off the resort and we were really looking forward to it. Will ended up loving his ribs. I got pulled pork and thought it looked exactly like pasta noodles. It was gross.
Next we went over to a little shopping center. We went into one place that had different kinds of bird things, like key rings, coffee mugs, etc. We are always on the lookout for Willis look-alike stuff so we looked forever in that place for him. We couldn’t find anything. We were disappointed, but on the way out, I glanced at a shelf and could not believe my eyes! There was a figurine that looked just like Willis! I had a little celebration right there in the store. It was only $14 and we love it.
Next, we walked by a shop that had a Macaw outside of its shop. Her name was Tiki. It was crazy because the bird just gets out of its cage when it wants to and walks down the sidewalk! Once it got down and started walking far away so Will went in to tell the owner and I got down there with her and tried to convince her to go back to her cage. Yes, the people walking by thought I was insane. The owner came out and told us that the bird likes to walk in the shop next door and pull the clothes off their racks! I sat there and played with that bird for like an hour straight. I had to get out my Willis statue, of course, to show the owner.
While we were talking to him, some punk kids came up and tried to harass the poor bird. The owner pushed one of them and told them to leave and I thought we were getting ready to be involved in a lovely little brawl. “Daddy and Mama, Can y’all come get us? We done got in a fight up in here at the Hilton Head and this is the only call we get.” I was sad to leave Tiki and wish I would have taken a picture of her.
Thursday morning, we slept in and then went and had lunch at a little place on the beach. We had picked up a beach umbrella the night before so we were prepared for the day. But, once we got on the beach, I noticed that it was way too windy for the umbrella. Do you think stubborn head would listen to me? Noooooo! He tried to put it up and it flipped inside out and flew off and it was all he could do to keep it from hitting some people behind us. We provided lots of entertainment while we worked to get it put away.
We sat out at the beach awhile and then headed home to get ready for dinner at an Italian place that I was excited about. It was a fancy little place and we loved it. I had homemade ribbons of pasta with marinara, veal, pork, and beef….yummy stuff. Will had duck which he absolutely loved. He did think of Willis once but the guilt passed quickly. For dessert, we had Tiramisu. I had mine boxed up but drank some very good coffee while I waited on him to finish. We went out to the marina afterwards and walked around a while.
Friday morning, I was determined to get some more beach time in. We had a quick breakfast and then got out there fairly early. We were able to set our umbrella up this time and opened it when we got hot. We even got in the water once. I couldn’t believe it. Since the whole sting ray incident (another story), I usually don’t get in the water. But, it was fun and I stayed close to Will so I could jump on his back if anything weird came by in the water.
We stayed on the beach the better part of the day. Late afternoon we came home and got our bikes and rode them on the beach. I really enjoyed that because there weren’t any people to hit! It was relaxing.
We had dinner at a place on the golf course. It was a little too snooty for us and the food wasn’t good. Also, I don’t think they like it when you wear your lime green flip flops with the blue parrots on them in there.
Saturday morning we packed up and headed home. I was very sad to leave, but was glad to get home as well. It was a good trip.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
SPINNING AND BBQ
I, quite possibly, could get used to this being on break stuff really fast. I am looking for a job to fill my time between break and the start of a new class beginning in August. Part of me wants someone to call and part of me doesn't. I have applied for 11 jobs so far, anything from Wal-Mart to a home health sitter. Maybe someone will call tomorrow. Maybe they wont.
This morning I got up around 8 and crawled downstairs to the coffee pot. Since the onset of nursing school, I have become quite obsessed with coffee...absolutely can't function without it. As I sipped it with my eyes closed, I tried to plan out some sort of day.
Most of you know that I like to spin (check it out at spinning.com). I used to spin every day and was part of a very active class at the gym. I even bought my own bike to use at home. After a couple of years, I managed to get myself in pretty decent shape. Then some idiot literally came and burned the gym down one night. He was a disgruntled employee. That is another story. Anyway, it broke my heart. I tried two other gyms and they were just nothing like the first place. I rode at home off and on when I could, but since the start of school, I've barely had time to breathe. Couple that with the fact that fast food is a large part of my diet between clinicals and lecture and...presto...the addition of TWENTY pounds...lovely.
So, I informed myself this morning during my coffee wake-up ritual that I was going to get on my spin bike today. I decided to go to the store first and buy some motivation music...JT is what I ended up with. I cranked him up loud and just rode all out for 30 minutes making up my own routine as I went along. Even though my muscles were screaming at me the whole time, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I probably wont be able to walk tomorrow, but I plan to get back on and continue to do so until I can do an hour again and then I will try again to find a good spin class to join.
Will came home for lunch after my little workout and I made him lunch. He loves this idea of lunch being made for him every day now. I actually enjoy it though and don't mind. I like to find recipes and try new things. Today, I made him a sandwich on toasted chibalta bread with turkey, swiss cheese, and tomatoes. I layered the sandwich with olive oil seasoned with salt and pepper. I added an apple and yogurt and a big glass of sweet tea of course.
When Will went back to work, I attemped to lay out. I don't know why I even try because it is just too hot. I only lasted 20 minutes. But, hey, I'll take 20 minutes vs none at all.
I did some housework and then applied for a couple more jobs. Once Will got home, we decided to grill out. We found a patio set at Lowes a few weeks ago for $49. We've never had a patio set before so we really think we are it now. We've always liked to grill out and always cook too much food. We fried some squash, and grilled some corn, sausage, pork chops and texas toast (see picture of Will's plate). We have enough food to last the week now. Oh, and there goes the calories burned on the spin bike today. Oh well...
Monday, June 23, 2008
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPITY DO
So, I got it in my mind that I needed to get a spray tan for an upcoming trip to Hilton Head. I have tried many times this year to lay out and it is just too hot! I really need to get a little pool, even if it is just big enough to float in. Some of you may remember when I had a redneck pool, so named, because I put it right in my driveway. I loved that pool.
Anyway, I called to book the spray tan. I told the lady I had never had one before. She informed me that they would scrub all the dead skin off first, then put me under a vichey shower, and then spray me. I was like, a vichey what?
The morning of the appointment, I had my final exam for psych nursing. After the exam, I had coffee and donuts with friends (hey friends!) to celebrate the fact that we made it through another class. By the time I reached the spa, I was good and tired.
When I walked in, I was told to change into a robe and slippers. I was like, “What am I supposed to wear under the robe?” The lady said, “Oh, nothing. They are going to give you some paper underwear anyway.” It was at this point that the internal laughing began and I realized that I had gotten myself into yet another adventure.
Feeling quite absurd, I donned my robe and slippers and was told to climb a spiral staircase to a waiting room. I climbed and climbed and needed some oxygen by the time I got to the top. I was sent to a waiting room with some kind of hippie music playing. It was dark and there were candles everywhere. There I sat, waiting for something to happen. I guess I was supposed to be relaxing. I’m not sure.
Finally, I was taken into a room and given the much anticipated paper underwear. They consisted of two strings, make that three strings, and a little tiny piece of paper for the front. Fun! I was told to put it on and then lay face down on a table.
Ok, first of all, this room was also dark, except for candles, and also had the hippie music. I was wondering when the peace pipe was going to be brought in the whole time. Anyway, the lady comes back in and proceeds to rub some kind of lotion on my feet. I’m sorry, but I was pretty uncomfortable. So…what did I do? Started talking ninety to nothing! The whole time she was scrubbing me with this lotion stuff, I was talking up a storm. “You going anywhere on vacation? I just finished my nursing final. You got any pets? How long have you been married? How long, exactly, does it take one to train for this kind of job?”
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to not talk during all of this and relax into it. Whatever!
After she scrubbed me half to death, it was time for the vichey shower. It consisted of a long bar with 7 shower heads, which the lady directed over my body for thirty full minutes…THIRTY! I must admit that this part was pretty relaxing. It was too loud to talk and it was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep. It was kind of like being in a car wash. I did almost drown once because I put my face down in some water on accident.
Ok, so fast forward to the end of the shower. I was told to lay there as long as I wanted. As soon as she left the room, I was up and putting my robe back on. I think I was supposed to stay in that room, but decided to go sit back in the lobby until she was ready for me. So, there I was with a shower cap on my head, and sitting in my robe, and another lady came into the lobby. She was there to get a massage. Now, she and I sat there and chatted it up like we had known each other forever! Then, my lady came back to get me.
I’m just not sure I was ready for this part. She told me to disrobe and that she would get me some more paper underwear if I wanted but they would cause tan lines. I opted to pass since the feeling of them being up my hind end wasn’t my cup of tea anyway. Then I was directed to stand on a blanket that had a fan behind it and had to drop my robe…sort of felt like a gynecologist visit at this point. Not good….
As I stood there, the lady sprayed me with something that looked like a water hose with a container attached to it. “Lift your arms. Turn to the left. Turn backwards…..and my personal favorite one…turn to the side and put one foot out as if doing a lunge.” Ok, people…me with a stranger…doing a naked lunge....yep.
After she was done, she told me that I could get dressed but not to put any underwear on and not to take a shower for 16 to 24 hours….16 to 24 hours. I was very, very sticky. It was just the grossest feeling. I came home and sat on towels in my recliner. As the hours went by, I began to see the orange setting in. I know fake tans when I see ‘em and this definitely was one!
By the next day, my face looked really orange and I had orange palms and feet. Given everything, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t go through this again.
After a day in Hilton Head and swimming in chlorine, the color faded and I was able to get a real tan…without doing one single naked lunge.
Anyway, I called to book the spray tan. I told the lady I had never had one before. She informed me that they would scrub all the dead skin off first, then put me under a vichey shower, and then spray me. I was like, a vichey what?
The morning of the appointment, I had my final exam for psych nursing. After the exam, I had coffee and donuts with friends (hey friends!) to celebrate the fact that we made it through another class. By the time I reached the spa, I was good and tired.
When I walked in, I was told to change into a robe and slippers. I was like, “What am I supposed to wear under the robe?” The lady said, “Oh, nothing. They are going to give you some paper underwear anyway.” It was at this point that the internal laughing began and I realized that I had gotten myself into yet another adventure.
Feeling quite absurd, I donned my robe and slippers and was told to climb a spiral staircase to a waiting room. I climbed and climbed and needed some oxygen by the time I got to the top. I was sent to a waiting room with some kind of hippie music playing. It was dark and there were candles everywhere. There I sat, waiting for something to happen. I guess I was supposed to be relaxing. I’m not sure.
Finally, I was taken into a room and given the much anticipated paper underwear. They consisted of two strings, make that three strings, and a little tiny piece of paper for the front. Fun! I was told to put it on and then lay face down on a table.
Ok, first of all, this room was also dark, except for candles, and also had the hippie music. I was wondering when the peace pipe was going to be brought in the whole time. Anyway, the lady comes back in and proceeds to rub some kind of lotion on my feet. I’m sorry, but I was pretty uncomfortable. So…what did I do? Started talking ninety to nothing! The whole time she was scrubbing me with this lotion stuff, I was talking up a storm. “You going anywhere on vacation? I just finished my nursing final. You got any pets? How long have you been married? How long, exactly, does it take one to train for this kind of job?”
I’m pretty sure I was supposed to not talk during all of this and relax into it. Whatever!
After she scrubbed me half to death, it was time for the vichey shower. It consisted of a long bar with 7 shower heads, which the lady directed over my body for thirty full minutes…THIRTY! I must admit that this part was pretty relaxing. It was too loud to talk and it was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep. It was kind of like being in a car wash. I did almost drown once because I put my face down in some water on accident.
Ok, so fast forward to the end of the shower. I was told to lay there as long as I wanted. As soon as she left the room, I was up and putting my robe back on. I think I was supposed to stay in that room, but decided to go sit back in the lobby until she was ready for me. So, there I was with a shower cap on my head, and sitting in my robe, and another lady came into the lobby. She was there to get a massage. Now, she and I sat there and chatted it up like we had known each other forever! Then, my lady came back to get me.
I’m just not sure I was ready for this part. She told me to disrobe and that she would get me some more paper underwear if I wanted but they would cause tan lines. I opted to pass since the feeling of them being up my hind end wasn’t my cup of tea anyway. Then I was directed to stand on a blanket that had a fan behind it and had to drop my robe…sort of felt like a gynecologist visit at this point. Not good….
As I stood there, the lady sprayed me with something that looked like a water hose with a container attached to it. “Lift your arms. Turn to the left. Turn backwards…..and my personal favorite one…turn to the side and put one foot out as if doing a lunge.” Ok, people…me with a stranger…doing a naked lunge....yep.
After she was done, she told me that I could get dressed but not to put any underwear on and not to take a shower for 16 to 24 hours….16 to 24 hours. I was very, very sticky. It was just the grossest feeling. I came home and sat on towels in my recliner. As the hours went by, I began to see the orange setting in. I know fake tans when I see ‘em and this definitely was one!
By the next day, my face looked really orange and I had orange palms and feet. Given everything, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t go through this again.
After a day in Hilton Head and swimming in chlorine, the color faded and I was able to get a real tan…without doing one single naked lunge.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
UPDATE ON WILLIS
The vet called and left a message saying they needed more blood to complete the DNA test. Aaarrgh! We don't know what to do now, because we really don't want to have to put him (or her) through that again. We are going to think on it for a few days and try to decide what to do.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
WILLIS OR WILMA?
Today, we took Willis to the vet to have his wings and toenails clipped. When we walked into the waiting room, he started laughing loudly and then said, “Ooooooohhhhhh” and then his usual, “Hey Willis.” Then, he informed everyone in the waiting room, “I am a pretty bird.” I’m not making this stuff up, I promise. I have witnesses. While he waited, he sat in front of the receptionist and stared a hole through her. Every time the phone rang or she picked something up, he cocked his head and just found it all very interesting. Will and I sat back and laughed at him.
They came and took him to the back while Will and I waited because they don’t let us watch the clipping. It is very traumatic for Willis. They have to hold him down and stuff and sometimes we can hear him yelling and it is just no good at all.
While we were waiting, this lady came out of the back who was about 96, I’d say. She was carrying a puppy and had a wrist brace on. Ok, so the lady takes the puppy to this little counter so she could write a check. 96 year old lady, wrist brace, writing a check, tiny counter=puppy is going to fall on the floor.
Will decided to offer to hold the puppy for her after we had a heart attack watching it slip and slide on the counter. Well, apparently that was her cue to start telling everyone her life story. So, Will just stood there holding the puppy while she went on and on and on. He didn’t know what to do because the puppy started crying because it wanted to leave. He was trying to rock it and everything and it was just funny….you had to be there.
Next, in comes a lady with a canary. She was about 90. Y’all think I am making this up, I’m not. Of course, I have to go see the bird and talk to it and the first thing she tells me is that it only has one leg. She said that the leg had to be amputated yesterday, but it was doing fine. I was like, oh no, how horrible. I just felt so bad for this bird. Here comes the funny part…I asked her what its name was and she said it didn’t have one and would I give it one! I was like, well, ummmm….and I was trying to think of anything but the obvious because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Leave it to Will to shout out “Stumpy!” The lady just kind of looked at him and I was laughing….hard. Poor little bird…
The lady eventually said she didn’t want to give the bird a “complex” so she wasn’t sure what she would name it yet. Then I asked her how old the bird was and she said, “Celery, apples, and grapes.” I was like “Oh, that is very interesting.” Obviously, she couldn’t hear. I tried again louder—“How old is your bird?” Her response—“He loves to whistle.” I could see Will out of the corner of my eye laughing. Poor lady…and poor bird!
Back to Willis—I had noticed this morning that he was guarding his left foot a little like it was hurting him. After they brought him back out, he was really holding it funny. He was past due for his annual exam so I asked if the vet could go ahead and see him today.
They agreed and took all 3 of us back to a room. Well, in walks this lady, with the vet, holding a towel. She threw it over Willis, and he hates towels to no end, grabbed him around the throat with one hand and held his feet together with the other. I tried to be calm. I really tried. The vet was examining him while he was in a literal choke-hold.
At one point, I noticed that I had stood up. I didn’t even realize it. Willis was having an absolute panic attack and I was about to freak out. In the meantime, the vet was feeling his abdomen, looking in his ears, etc. Apparently, I started easing closer and closer to them because Will was getting ready to put his arm out to stop me. Unbeknownst to the vet and the tech, I was getting ready to grab my bird out of their hands and leave the building.
Then, I started crying…yes crying! I couldn’t help it. They were torturing him! He didn’t want to be held down. He’s just a little baby parrot…poor little thing. Well, I guess they sensed that I was getting ready to throw a “Southern Girl Fit” because the vet asked if we wanted them to go to another room to draw the blood, that they weren’t hurting him, that is how birds have to be held….WHATEVER!
Ok, so they left and did who knows what to him. The whole time, I was drilling Will with questions, “What do you think they are doing to him? Why is it taking them so long? Can’t you just go through those doors, peek in, and see what exactly they are doing to him?” I was like a crazy person sitting in there.
Outside the door, we heard the vet ask the tech what his weight was. He told her and we heard her exclaim, “You have got to be kidding me!” I was like, “What in the world? He is not fat!”
Fast forward….Willis is brought back in. His feathers are ruffled everywhere and he is just pitiful, pitiful, pitiful. He is sitting there glaring at me like I did all this.
The first thing the vet told us is that his foot was sprained and that is why he was guarding it. She said it isn’t anything major and he probably just hurt it on a toy and she gave him a shot of aspirin. I am supposed to give him some aspirin by mouth tomorrow and then if he is still acting weird with it, she is going to mail us some medicine.
By the way, the medicine is in a syringe and Will informed me in the car that we were supposed to inject it in his foot. He is such a nut! Trust me people, this syringe has no needle in it.
Then she told us that they had a hard time finding his jugular vein because he is “chubby.” I found this a little offensive. I mean, again, he is just a little baby parrot….poor little thing. She said he was “significantly” overweight and we need to stop giving him so many parrot pellets and give him more fruits and vegetables. He isn’t going to be happy about this, but we shall try.
For the past 6 months, Willis has been attracted to his toys….I mean VERY attracted to them. So, I told the vet about it. I said, “I don’t know how else to say this, but he is getting very friendly with his toys and making all kinds of sex noises.” Well, I would give a limb to see the look on Will’s face again. I was like, “What?!” I had to ask because it drives me insane when he does it and he goes from being, “just a baby parrot…poor little thing” to “nasty, disgusting parrot…have some dignity.”
Well anyway, the vet laughed and said that she is having the exact same problem with her cockatiel and she is going to give it some Lupron because it is embarrassing her in front of her friends. She said it is normal and happens about 6 months out of the year during their “hormonal phase.”
As most of you know, we don’t know if Willis is male or female. The only way to tell on birds is to have their blood typed. So, I asked her if he/she was going to lay an egg, what age would it be. She said 6. He is 4 now. Then she told us this horrible story about another parrot.
The parrot came in for an exam, the owner mentioned that it was doing the “hormonal” thing, the vet explained why, but apparently the lady didn’t want the bird to take Lupron. The very next week, it tried to lay an egg so large that it literally ruptured her insides and the bird died. And yes, I cried during this story.
She said that we really needed to go ahead and find out Willis’s sex so she could treat him with Lupron if he turns out to be a she so there would be less chance of him/her laying an egg.
So….his blood has been sent to CA for DNA testing. We will find out in 14 days if he is a boy or a girl. I don’t know how I will handle it, if he turns out to be a she. I really don’t. His/her name will still be Willis…I do know that.
Ok, well just wanted to share my day. Raise your hand if you learned something new about birds. I will post the results of his DNA test once we get them. Keep your fingers crossed….boy, boy, boy.
They came and took him to the back while Will and I waited because they don’t let us watch the clipping. It is very traumatic for Willis. They have to hold him down and stuff and sometimes we can hear him yelling and it is just no good at all.
While we were waiting, this lady came out of the back who was about 96, I’d say. She was carrying a puppy and had a wrist brace on. Ok, so the lady takes the puppy to this little counter so she could write a check. 96 year old lady, wrist brace, writing a check, tiny counter=puppy is going to fall on the floor.
Will decided to offer to hold the puppy for her after we had a heart attack watching it slip and slide on the counter. Well, apparently that was her cue to start telling everyone her life story. So, Will just stood there holding the puppy while she went on and on and on. He didn’t know what to do because the puppy started crying because it wanted to leave. He was trying to rock it and everything and it was just funny….you had to be there.
Next, in comes a lady with a canary. She was about 90. Y’all think I am making this up, I’m not. Of course, I have to go see the bird and talk to it and the first thing she tells me is that it only has one leg. She said that the leg had to be amputated yesterday, but it was doing fine. I was like, oh no, how horrible. I just felt so bad for this bird. Here comes the funny part…I asked her what its name was and she said it didn’t have one and would I give it one! I was like, well, ummmm….and I was trying to think of anything but the obvious because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Leave it to Will to shout out “Stumpy!” The lady just kind of looked at him and I was laughing….hard. Poor little bird…
The lady eventually said she didn’t want to give the bird a “complex” so she wasn’t sure what she would name it yet. Then I asked her how old the bird was and she said, “Celery, apples, and grapes.” I was like “Oh, that is very interesting.” Obviously, she couldn’t hear. I tried again louder—“How old is your bird?” Her response—“He loves to whistle.” I could see Will out of the corner of my eye laughing. Poor lady…and poor bird!
Back to Willis—I had noticed this morning that he was guarding his left foot a little like it was hurting him. After they brought him back out, he was really holding it funny. He was past due for his annual exam so I asked if the vet could go ahead and see him today.
They agreed and took all 3 of us back to a room. Well, in walks this lady, with the vet, holding a towel. She threw it over Willis, and he hates towels to no end, grabbed him around the throat with one hand and held his feet together with the other. I tried to be calm. I really tried. The vet was examining him while he was in a literal choke-hold.
At one point, I noticed that I had stood up. I didn’t even realize it. Willis was having an absolute panic attack and I was about to freak out. In the meantime, the vet was feeling his abdomen, looking in his ears, etc. Apparently, I started easing closer and closer to them because Will was getting ready to put his arm out to stop me. Unbeknownst to the vet and the tech, I was getting ready to grab my bird out of their hands and leave the building.
Then, I started crying…yes crying! I couldn’t help it. They were torturing him! He didn’t want to be held down. He’s just a little baby parrot…poor little thing. Well, I guess they sensed that I was getting ready to throw a “Southern Girl Fit” because the vet asked if we wanted them to go to another room to draw the blood, that they weren’t hurting him, that is how birds have to be held….WHATEVER!
Ok, so they left and did who knows what to him. The whole time, I was drilling Will with questions, “What do you think they are doing to him? Why is it taking them so long? Can’t you just go through those doors, peek in, and see what exactly they are doing to him?” I was like a crazy person sitting in there.
Outside the door, we heard the vet ask the tech what his weight was. He told her and we heard her exclaim, “You have got to be kidding me!” I was like, “What in the world? He is not fat!”
Fast forward….Willis is brought back in. His feathers are ruffled everywhere and he is just pitiful, pitiful, pitiful. He is sitting there glaring at me like I did all this.
The first thing the vet told us is that his foot was sprained and that is why he was guarding it. She said it isn’t anything major and he probably just hurt it on a toy and she gave him a shot of aspirin. I am supposed to give him some aspirin by mouth tomorrow and then if he is still acting weird with it, she is going to mail us some medicine.
By the way, the medicine is in a syringe and Will informed me in the car that we were supposed to inject it in his foot. He is such a nut! Trust me people, this syringe has no needle in it.
Then she told us that they had a hard time finding his jugular vein because he is “chubby.” I found this a little offensive. I mean, again, he is just a little baby parrot….poor little thing. She said he was “significantly” overweight and we need to stop giving him so many parrot pellets and give him more fruits and vegetables. He isn’t going to be happy about this, but we shall try.
For the past 6 months, Willis has been attracted to his toys….I mean VERY attracted to them. So, I told the vet about it. I said, “I don’t know how else to say this, but he is getting very friendly with his toys and making all kinds of sex noises.” Well, I would give a limb to see the look on Will’s face again. I was like, “What?!” I had to ask because it drives me insane when he does it and he goes from being, “just a baby parrot…poor little thing” to “nasty, disgusting parrot…have some dignity.”
Well anyway, the vet laughed and said that she is having the exact same problem with her cockatiel and she is going to give it some Lupron because it is embarrassing her in front of her friends. She said it is normal and happens about 6 months out of the year during their “hormonal phase.”
As most of you know, we don’t know if Willis is male or female. The only way to tell on birds is to have their blood typed. So, I asked her if he/she was going to lay an egg, what age would it be. She said 6. He is 4 now. Then she told us this horrible story about another parrot.
The parrot came in for an exam, the owner mentioned that it was doing the “hormonal” thing, the vet explained why, but apparently the lady didn’t want the bird to take Lupron. The very next week, it tried to lay an egg so large that it literally ruptured her insides and the bird died. And yes, I cried during this story.
She said that we really needed to go ahead and find out Willis’s sex so she could treat him with Lupron if he turns out to be a she so there would be less chance of him/her laying an egg.
So….his blood has been sent to CA for DNA testing. We will find out in 14 days if he is a boy or a girl. I don’t know how I will handle it, if he turns out to be a she. I really don’t. His/her name will still be Willis…I do know that.
Ok, well just wanted to share my day. Raise your hand if you learned something new about birds. I will post the results of his DNA test once we get them. Keep your fingers crossed….boy, boy, boy.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
POSSUMS AND POPCORN
Monday night, Will and I went and saw The Bucket List. If you haven’t seen it, you need to. It’s a great movie with a great message.
Ok, back up…first I need to tell you that Will has obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Don’t worry about him being embarrassed that I told you this because he is in absolute DENIAL! He has never talked to a doctor about it, but I am telling y’all…he definitely has it! The things he does…that is a whole separate blog in and of itself.
We made it to the theater last night with about 15 minutes to go before the movie. Will thinks it is an absolute sin not to get the biggest popcorn and the biggest drink possible at the movies. Oh, and he can not have ANY ice in his drinks so we always have to discuss this with every cashier. Will: “I want coke, no ice.” Cashier: “But, the coke is warm. Don’t you want just a little ice?” Will: “I do not want ANY ice.” Cashier: Ooookaaaayyyy? (cashier gives look that says, “this guy is a weirdo” and then I always confirm it to him/her verbally).
We made it through all this and then it was receipt and change time. People, this is a huge deal to Will. He will not, under any circumstances, walk away from the counter until his receipt and change have been put away in an organized manner in his wallet. He just will not do it. I was like, “Will, can you do that in the movie? It is about to start.” Will: “No, I’ve almost got it done…just let me make sure all the president’s heads are facing the same way and the bills are in order from smallest to largest. Then, I need to place the receipts in such a way that they can be folded neatly.” Aaaaargggghhh!!!!
Made it into the movie….tried to sit down…kept being met with some resistance that would bump me back up. Finally realized that it was Will doing his “pre-sit dance”. This involves moving his wallet to each pocket to see which feels the best, then the keys to each pocket, then pulls the bottom of his jeans down and his socks up 3 times each and then does this little butt shaking thing which I think is his attempt to be sure his underwear is not up his rear.
So each time I would go to sit, he would bump my hip during this ritual and I would pop back up. Finally, exasperated, I yelled out, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He yelled back, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I’M TRYING TO SIT DOWN!” I was like, “I AM THE ONE TRYING TO SIT DOWN AND YOU ARE CRAZY AS ALL GET OUT! NOW MOVE!”
Sat down finally and both of us gave the other an eye roll and commenced to eating the popcorn. I always beg Will to let us each get our own small bag of popcorn because I can not stand to share popcorn with him. But no, he has to get the biggest 5 gallon bucket of popcorn they have and we always, always, always throw more than half of it in the trash.
When he eats popcorn, his eating hand does not stay still more than half a second…bag, mouth, bag, mouth. I don’t know how he breathes! So he starts digging into the popcorn and I am like, “Slow down! There is plenty.” He wants to know what I am talking about so I do a demonstration. The problem is that I am a slow eater so my attempts to eat like he does left me with popcorn all over my shirt after it fell out of my mouth and now he was telling me that I was the crazy one.
We commenced to eating popcorn again and then he just started hysterically laughing. I’m talking, tears, can’t breathe, turning blue, kind of laughing. I was like, “Have you finally lost what was left of your mind? What is wrong with you?!” All he could do was laugh in response so I told him, “Move down a few seats. I don’t want people thinking I am with you! They are going to think you are on drugs!” There were only 6 other people in the theatre so they could hear everything we were saying. I’m sure they thought we were both on drugs.
He finally caught his breath and told me that he was laughing because from the time we walked in we were acting as if we were Doug and Carrie from King of Queens. So, then he got me laughing and that was it.
I guess I leaned my head back without meaning to. When I did, I noticed that there were two HUGE holes right above our heads. Then, I got it in my mind that either roaches, rats, or possums were going to fall on our heads as soon as the lights went out. Yes…possums…who hasn’t heard my possum story?
You gotta hear it….about 5 years ago, Will and I lived in a rental house. The master bedroom had a bathroom in it that was not finished. We kept the door to it shut and used it as a storage room. One night, both of us fell asleep and then heard a huge crash in that room. Being the scaredy cat that I am, I about lost my mind.
Will jumped up, wearing only his underwear, and opened the bathroom door. Then, he told me that a possum had fallen through the roof.
Of course, I didn’t believe him and had to see for myself. So he cracked the door and there was this possum standing on its back legs, snarling its teeth at me, making a crazy noise, and bleeding from falling on our storage. I screamed hysterically and jumped back on the bed.
Will stood on top of a cooler and poked at the terrified thing with a rake trying to get it to run outside. All the while, he was still only wearing his underwear and he reminded me of a character from Lord of the Flies….you know the one about the deserted boys we had to read in middle school?
The possum didn’t care what Will did to him. He wasn’t leaving. Finally, Will gave up and decided that we would just go back to sleep and maybe it would crawl back through the hole in which it fell.
So, we shut the bathroom door, turned out the lights, and laid down. That thing went berserk! It was running all over that room and bouncing off the walls and having a fit. I couldn’t take it. I got the idea to build a tunnel and get the possum to run through it. (Yes, Will, it was my idea, so don’t even try to take credit for it like you always do.) So, there we were in the middle of the night taking all of our dresser drawers out and lining them up. Then, we put blankets on the top of them so he couldn’t jump out. We made a tunnel all the way out the door. It worked! He ran right through it and out the door. We couldn’t go back to sleep for wondering if people would ever believe that really happened to us.
Anyway, back to the movie…I was seriously alarmed that something was going to fall on my head. And, like I said, possums do fall through roofs. So, as much as I enjoyed the movie, I kept looking up every few minutes to see if anything was falling on me. And, during the movie, I kept whispering to Will who was ignoring my very valid concerns at having roaches, rats, or possums fall on me! Next time we go to that particular place, I will just wear his Steelers football helmet for protection and see if he ignores me then!
After the movie, we decided we would get dessert. I wanted to go to Applebee’s and he was like, “You don’t want to go there. You just think you do.” Do you know how infuriating that statement is??? I was like, “NO, I want to go there! Me and Hannah (my niece) shared a very good brownie from there once and I would like that.” (Remember that Hannah? That was where the lady gave you the balloon you loved so much.)
But, no, he still felt that I did not want to go there and informed me that he wanted to go to Wendy’s and get a frosty. My response? You guessed it! “No, you don’t. You just think you do.” We ended up just coming home, both pouting.
As we were pulling into the driveway, I noticed the big dipper. I said, “You know it always amazes me that those are the very same stars I used to look at during my childhood.” In what I perceived as a sarcastic tone, his response was, “Well, actually, they have been there longer than your childhood and will be there well after we die.”
I called him an airhead. Hey, I couldn’t think of anything better. Then we stared at each other a second, daring the other to say anything else…..and, of course, we laughed and called it a night. We are weird that way.
Ok, back up…first I need to tell you that Will has obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Don’t worry about him being embarrassed that I told you this because he is in absolute DENIAL! He has never talked to a doctor about it, but I am telling y’all…he definitely has it! The things he does…that is a whole separate blog in and of itself.
We made it to the theater last night with about 15 minutes to go before the movie. Will thinks it is an absolute sin not to get the biggest popcorn and the biggest drink possible at the movies. Oh, and he can not have ANY ice in his drinks so we always have to discuss this with every cashier. Will: “I want coke, no ice.” Cashier: “But, the coke is warm. Don’t you want just a little ice?” Will: “I do not want ANY ice.” Cashier: Ooookaaaayyyy? (cashier gives look that says, “this guy is a weirdo” and then I always confirm it to him/her verbally).
We made it through all this and then it was receipt and change time. People, this is a huge deal to Will. He will not, under any circumstances, walk away from the counter until his receipt and change have been put away in an organized manner in his wallet. He just will not do it. I was like, “Will, can you do that in the movie? It is about to start.” Will: “No, I’ve almost got it done…just let me make sure all the president’s heads are facing the same way and the bills are in order from smallest to largest. Then, I need to place the receipts in such a way that they can be folded neatly.” Aaaaargggghhh!!!!
Made it into the movie….tried to sit down…kept being met with some resistance that would bump me back up. Finally realized that it was Will doing his “pre-sit dance”. This involves moving his wallet to each pocket to see which feels the best, then the keys to each pocket, then pulls the bottom of his jeans down and his socks up 3 times each and then does this little butt shaking thing which I think is his attempt to be sure his underwear is not up his rear.
So each time I would go to sit, he would bump my hip during this ritual and I would pop back up. Finally, exasperated, I yelled out, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He yelled back, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I’M TRYING TO SIT DOWN!” I was like, “I AM THE ONE TRYING TO SIT DOWN AND YOU ARE CRAZY AS ALL GET OUT! NOW MOVE!”
Sat down finally and both of us gave the other an eye roll and commenced to eating the popcorn. I always beg Will to let us each get our own small bag of popcorn because I can not stand to share popcorn with him. But no, he has to get the biggest 5 gallon bucket of popcorn they have and we always, always, always throw more than half of it in the trash.
When he eats popcorn, his eating hand does not stay still more than half a second…bag, mouth, bag, mouth. I don’t know how he breathes! So he starts digging into the popcorn and I am like, “Slow down! There is plenty.” He wants to know what I am talking about so I do a demonstration. The problem is that I am a slow eater so my attempts to eat like he does left me with popcorn all over my shirt after it fell out of my mouth and now he was telling me that I was the crazy one.
We commenced to eating popcorn again and then he just started hysterically laughing. I’m talking, tears, can’t breathe, turning blue, kind of laughing. I was like, “Have you finally lost what was left of your mind? What is wrong with you?!” All he could do was laugh in response so I told him, “Move down a few seats. I don’t want people thinking I am with you! They are going to think you are on drugs!” There were only 6 other people in the theatre so they could hear everything we were saying. I’m sure they thought we were both on drugs.
He finally caught his breath and told me that he was laughing because from the time we walked in we were acting as if we were Doug and Carrie from King of Queens. So, then he got me laughing and that was it.
I guess I leaned my head back without meaning to. When I did, I noticed that there were two HUGE holes right above our heads. Then, I got it in my mind that either roaches, rats, or possums were going to fall on our heads as soon as the lights went out. Yes…possums…who hasn’t heard my possum story?
You gotta hear it….about 5 years ago, Will and I lived in a rental house. The master bedroom had a bathroom in it that was not finished. We kept the door to it shut and used it as a storage room. One night, both of us fell asleep and then heard a huge crash in that room. Being the scaredy cat that I am, I about lost my mind.
Will jumped up, wearing only his underwear, and opened the bathroom door. Then, he told me that a possum had fallen through the roof.
Of course, I didn’t believe him and had to see for myself. So he cracked the door and there was this possum standing on its back legs, snarling its teeth at me, making a crazy noise, and bleeding from falling on our storage. I screamed hysterically and jumped back on the bed.
Will stood on top of a cooler and poked at the terrified thing with a rake trying to get it to run outside. All the while, he was still only wearing his underwear and he reminded me of a character from Lord of the Flies….you know the one about the deserted boys we had to read in middle school?
The possum didn’t care what Will did to him. He wasn’t leaving. Finally, Will gave up and decided that we would just go back to sleep and maybe it would crawl back through the hole in which it fell.
So, we shut the bathroom door, turned out the lights, and laid down. That thing went berserk! It was running all over that room and bouncing off the walls and having a fit. I couldn’t take it. I got the idea to build a tunnel and get the possum to run through it. (Yes, Will, it was my idea, so don’t even try to take credit for it like you always do.) So, there we were in the middle of the night taking all of our dresser drawers out and lining them up. Then, we put blankets on the top of them so he couldn’t jump out. We made a tunnel all the way out the door. It worked! He ran right through it and out the door. We couldn’t go back to sleep for wondering if people would ever believe that really happened to us.
Anyway, back to the movie…I was seriously alarmed that something was going to fall on my head. And, like I said, possums do fall through roofs. So, as much as I enjoyed the movie, I kept looking up every few minutes to see if anything was falling on me. And, during the movie, I kept whispering to Will who was ignoring my very valid concerns at having roaches, rats, or possums fall on me! Next time we go to that particular place, I will just wear his Steelers football helmet for protection and see if he ignores me then!
After the movie, we decided we would get dessert. I wanted to go to Applebee’s and he was like, “You don’t want to go there. You just think you do.” Do you know how infuriating that statement is??? I was like, “NO, I want to go there! Me and Hannah (my niece) shared a very good brownie from there once and I would like that.” (Remember that Hannah? That was where the lady gave you the balloon you loved so much.)
But, no, he still felt that I did not want to go there and informed me that he wanted to go to Wendy’s and get a frosty. My response? You guessed it! “No, you don’t. You just think you do.” We ended up just coming home, both pouting.
As we were pulling into the driveway, I noticed the big dipper. I said, “You know it always amazes me that those are the very same stars I used to look at during my childhood.” In what I perceived as a sarcastic tone, his response was, “Well, actually, they have been there longer than your childhood and will be there well after we die.”
I called him an airhead. Hey, I couldn’t think of anything better. Then we stared at each other a second, daring the other to say anything else…..and, of course, we laughed and called it a night. We are weird that way.
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