32 WEEKS

I started writing this blog last week when I was 31 weeks. I've been slow to get things posted. I'm going to post some pictures later, but wanted to post an update since it's been a while. Time seems to be going fast and slow at the same time. We are in the single digit countdown now. EIGHT weeks to go. Unbelievable. It really brings a sense of urgency to get things done. The nursery is almost complete. We are proud of it. I will post pictures once we add the final touches. I recently had to complete a 3 hour glucose challenge, because I failed my 1 hour challenge to test for gestational diabetes. I was allowed to do alternative carbohydrate loading as the glucola caused me to get dizzy, vomit, and have a very high heart rate. I was told that I could drink two 20 oz bottles of coke. I was NOT told that I had to consume both bottles in FIVE minutes. The lab guy waited until I had two minutes to go and only part of one bottle completed to inform me of this news. I was not a happy camper. I told him to cancel the test. I came back the next week and got to eat Skittles this time. This may sound easy, but it wasn't. I had to eat 4.2oz of Skittles in 15 minutes. Try it. It's hard. I almost ran out of time. I was shoving them in and had chipmunk cheeks at the end. I managed to get them down, except for the wad that I saved in my cheek and threw in the trash as soon as I left the lab. I then had to get my blood drawn every hour for 3 hours. It was pretty much torture. But, I passed the test with flying colors! Yay! No gestational diabetes. Aunt Regina, Kelli, and Mama had a baby shower for me. I was totally overwhelmed by the whole event. When Kelli was pregnant with Kaitlyn, I hid in the bathroom and cried the majority of the shower. Don't get me wrong. I was thrilled for Kelli. I was sad for myself, because I had already been trying for many years to get pregnant. So, when I walked into my own shower, I started bawling. Tears, snot, the works...classy. Not only was everything beautifully decorated, but seeing my family and friends there for ME did me in. I really appreciated people taking time out of their busy lives to be there. I still get teary eyed when I think about the people that showed up. Missing were both of my grandmothers. That makes me emotional as well. I wish they were here to see this precious baby. The shower was held at Murray's Grille in Yulee. Aunt Regina said she was disappointed in the food and even gave a small speech to make sure people knew what the unrecognizable stuff was. It was pretty funny. We spent a couple of days washing tiny clothes and organizing baby gear. That was overwhelming, as it provided a big sense of reality. I'm pretty much a big ball of emotions at the moment! I had two doctor's appointments on 8/7. The first was with the high risk specialist. Addison is doing great! She weighed 3lb 5oz. She has big, chubby cheeks and we love her so much already. We think she has an attitude because she gets mad if she's touched. She will either freeze or start doing somersaults to get away. It's been difficult for the doctor to find her heartbeat at times because she is trying to get away. She gets all that from her Daddy. Ha, ha. I was told at that appointment that I'd have to start attending NST's (heart rate testing) and Ultrasounds every Tuesday and Friday until I deliver. Phew! Tuesday's testing went ok. Addison kept wiggling away from the heart monitor but she passed the test. We got really good views of her face during the ultrasound. Its a BPP (biophysical profile) and she scored an 8/8. Today's testing didn't go quite as smoothly. They wanted Addison's heart rate to reach the 150's, but it stayed in the 130's. She failed her NST and we had to do another BPP (ultrasound) which she passed. The doctor said that some of the medicine I take to keep my heart rate controlled could be going to her, or she could have been just resting. They attempted to startle her by pressing a vibrating buzzer to my stomach. She could have cared less. The doctor brought up that my amniotic fluid is on the higher side (sigh). The US tech brought up that she has hair! She is so, so, so cute with her chubby cheeks and pouty lips. So, I am slightly concerned but trying not to totally freak out. We go again on Tuesday. Prayers that she will pass this time won't hurt! (I'll post pictures when I can.)

SNEAK PEEK-28 WEEKS

We had our 4D Ultrasound today. So, so, so sweet. I really can't believe she's mine. True to Addison form, she did not want to cooperate. I had to exit the room and walk the floors to shake her up a little bit. Overall, I am thrilled with the pictures we got. I am beyond impatient for her to get here now! We also got a video of her, but I will have to play around with this and see if I can figure out how to post it. Here she is!

27 WEEKS

Yes, I am starting to look like a manatee.

But, the good news is that I continue to have better days. Instead of 24/7 nausea, I have bouts of nausea. I'll take it. I am also getting out a lot more, which is great. So I'll take the largeness in exchange. Ok, I got the report from my doctor about the glucose test and the bloodwork. See...what had happened WAS...I might have drank some chocolate milk the morning of my test. What? They told me I didn't have to fast! So, the nurse called today and told me I failed the test and would have to do the 3 hour screening. I confessed about the milk and told her I wanted to repeat the one hour test,after fasting,to be sure. She agreed so I will do that Monday. It made me very sick and I had a hard time holding it down without fasting, so I'm not sure how I will manage Monday. Maybe I should bring a pillow and just lay on the floor of the lab. My iron level also came back low, so I started an iron supplement today. No biggie. The nurse said that this is probably the reason I have been so exhausted. Here is the bassinet we bought.

I love it! Yes, I know we can't have a blanket and a stuffed animnal in it while the baby is using it, but I decided to dress it up until she gets here. Kelli and I went to Pottery Barn to pick it up, and I almost had a pregnancy induced hormonal meltdown. Cliff called ahead of time to be sure the one I wanted was in stock. It was the brown bassinet, like we got, but with pink bedding. When we arrived, I was told that they didn't have the brown bassinet or the pink bedding. I really wanted to cry. It would've been a classy thing to have a 2 year old meltdown at the Pottery Barn. Cashier dude looked again and said he DID have the brown bassinet, but not the pink bedding, and I couldn't get it until September. I told him just to sell me the bassinet with all white bedding and I am happy enough with it. I think the bassinet has a timeless look to it and it's very well made. Look what Addison received in the mail today.

These took me back to when my grandmother, Magranny, read these very books to me and my cousins. My grandfather still has them in his house. I think I might be about to have another hormonal moment if I think about it too much! I am overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that we still have to buy for this child. It is insane. I was up last night with nausea and I just about drove my self crazy worrying about carseats, strollers, formula, etc, etc. I know it will eventually come together. At least she has a bed! I'll let y'all know how the second glucose screening goes...if I do it...just kidding, just kidding.

26 WEEKS

We had another ultrasound with the high risk specialist today and she is 100% a girl! Yay! We had to buy her some celebratory clothes.

Herein lies the problem with today's technology--it creates WORRY! When we were babies, our parents weren't even told the sex before delivery, much less things such as growth percentiles and amniotic fluid levels. With today's fancy, smancy technology, I was told that Addison is in the 41st percentile for growth and I have slightly too much amniotic fluid. Causes for excessive aminotic fluid are defects with the baby's swallowing mechanism, gestational diabetes, and unknown factors. I'm being tested tomorrow for gestational diabetes. If I don't have it, and I hope I don't, how am I supposed to deal with this information? Worry, that's how! I would have been better off not knowing. The doctor did say that he would rather me have too much, than too little and he seemed unphased. I, on the other hand, wanted more answers. She weighs 1 lb, 14 ounces. She kicks like she weighs 114 pounds! I can't believe she's that tiny and I am this huge. What in the world??? The doctor was also nonchalant about her being in the 41st percentile, informing me that I didn't want to give birth to a big baby. No, I don't. But, I would feel more comfortable if she was at least average! My appetite has increased and I am hungry about every two hours, to the point that I feel like I'm going to starve to death. I have put on about 7 pounds....finally. So, I am feeding her. I've always pictured her as tiny. Maybe she's just supposed to be smaller than normal. We had a rude ultrasound tech today so we didn't get to see very much of Addison herself. She did confirm that she was still a girl and that was a huge relief. We've already purchased so much pink that people might think her nursery is Pepto Bismol themed. Both of my parents got to watch the ultrasound today. Then we all went to Babies R Us to look for a bassinet and finish registering. Grandpa bought her these shoes and a baby book.

Tomorrow, Kelli and I will travel to Jacksonville once again so that I can get some bloodwork and drink the dreaded sugar water for the glucose tolerance test. It is SO gross. I'm not sure how I will keep from throwing it up. I have been having better days lately. I am still usually at least always sick in the mornings and I am VERY tired, but I have been able to get out more and some days I even feel human. I am continuing to get quite large and have to learn new maneuvers for simple things. I am considering a new technique for getting out of bed. It's called the roll and fall. Roll off the mattress, land on my knees, and then crawl around the house because I sure can't get up off the floor. In other news, I would like to wish my youngest niece, Emily Lorraine, a very happy 5th birthday! Aunt Cindy wishes you were still this little...

6 MONTHS

It’s been a while since I’ve updated. Things are progressing along. I’m getting larger by the second. I’m starting to feel Addison kick more and more. I remain sick. My newest complaint is an overwhelming desire to sleep, sleep, sleep. I am always uncomfortably exhausted. I know I don't eat right, but this is craziness. What happened to that second trimester energy burst I heard all about? Ugh!

Work continues to be a challenge, as it seems that’s where I do most of my vomiting these days. I have only gained 2.5 pounds since conception. Heartburn is also an issue, but I received some good advice from other women to try Zantac and it has helped considerably. Other pregnant women around my stage of pregnancy complain of extremity swelling, hip pain, and back pain. I am thankful that I have no issues with any of those symptoms yet. I do get headaches, but I’ll take those over back pain. I have been sick since January, and Cliff has taken care of me since that time. He has kept up with the household chores, including laundry. He is working two jobs. He makes sure Landen gets to school or day care on time and gets picked up. He makes sure Landen and I are fed. This has been his biggest challenge, because I most often refuse to eat. He still tries. He still puts some kind of food in front of me as often as he can. He has listened to daily complaints from me, and I haven’t heard him complain even once. I don’t know where he finds time to get things done, but he does. I can mention something little, such as needing a towel hook in the bathroom. He wont say anything, and I’ll notice that I have a new towel hook the next day. Today, he came home between jobs and installed a ceiling fan, then listened to me say “no” to every meal he offered, and then he cooked something anyway before he went to his second job. I am blessed to have someone who has supported me through a very difficult time. We recently went to our 20 year class reunion. Here I am on the way out the door.

Now, if anyone would have told either Cliff or myself that we would be attending our 20 year class reunion, with me carrying his child, we would have laughed and told you to go back on your meds. We were recently trying to remember how things came to be. Neither of us could. We aren’t sure how in the world we ended up becoming parents together after all these years. We agree that Addison has a purpose here on this earth and we believe we were brought together for that reason. We had a great time at the reunion and enjoyed catching up with friends who are like family to us. Addison even got to take part, as she received beach toys and Princess on Board vehicle window signs. I’m sure our classmates are also perplexed by Cliff and I. We can’t explain it. We are obviously not in control. We have had an absolute blast shopping for pink, girly stuff. I’ve already purchased her Halloween costume (a surprise), and Cliff bought her this bracelet.

She’s going to be such a diva! We finally reached a decision on bedding. Here it is.

We registered at Babies R Us (babiesrus.com), under Cindy Vandervort (Yulee, FL) or registry number 48466125. Now, that was a challenge. Neither of us had any idea of what we were doing. There are SO many decisions to be made. We did the best we could. Poor Addison. My cousin, Carrie, has recently offered to give us several items that her twins have outgrown. We are very thankful for that. I know everything will come together, but my controlling personality makes it difficult for me to relax. I want things done and organized now, even though we still have 15 weeks to go. I am trying to get out more, but it is so difficult for me. I would rather stay home, and on my couch when I am not working. I’ve been off for the last two days and I’ve done nothing but sleep. It’s a miserable existence. I’ve been to the beach a couple times recently. The first trip, you can see by the picture that I was pretty miserable.

I did better on the second trip, which was at night with my nieces.

And Cliff, Landen, and I made a day trip last weekend. I did even better then. I hate that I’ve had such a difficult pregnancy and have complained so much. I know that Addison will be more than worth every symptom. I want to put this bible verse somewhere in her nursery. I believe it is quite fitting.

My next ultrasound is on 7/10. I have a fear that they will say she has turned into a he! I’m really worried about it, and Cliff makes fun of me. I recently had to do a bunch of (unnecessary) testing, related to my sinus tachycardia. Everything came back normal, except for a borderline low TSH (thyroid) level. They will watch it. I was a really bad patient and was over a month late in getting all the testing completed. One of the tests included saving urine for 24 hours. That was Cliff’s favorite part. It was quite disgusting. I enrolled Addison in a Dr. Seuss book club. Cliff and I both love to read, so I hope that she will too. I have figured out that she is a night owl like Cliff. She likes to do karate at night while I’m trying to sleep. I wonder if she will be grouchy like me in the mornings or calm and laid back like Cliff. I feel that she will have most of Cliff’s physical features, due to the Asian gene. We want to have a 4D ultrasound once I’m further along. That will allow us to get a broad idea of her physical characteristics. I can’t wait. I'm thinking of scheduling it at 30 weeks, which will be the first week in August. My current craving is chocolate milk. I remember that I thought I would never, ever drink chocolate milk again, as the mere thought of it would make me gag. Now, I love it. I also crave most fruit. Cliff and I can eat an entire cantaloupe in one sitting. Other than that, I can’t think of any real cravings. I don’t have the pregnancy glow either. I look like a sick version of Casper really. I know this is related to the months and months of sickness. I look very scary on my days off, because brushing my hair is just not important anymore. It barely gets done on the days I have to work. My co-workers continue to be very helpful and do all of my lifting and squatting. I can no longer get back up once I have squatted down! One or two of the nurses have offered to do things that they know would make me gag, such as emptying colostomy bags or collecting sputum samples. That means a lot to me. I can make it 15 more weeks. I think I can, I think I can...

18/19 WEEKS-BOY OR GIRL?

For my non-facebook friends and family...we now know the gender of this baby! Although the baby got very shy and did not want us to find out right away. Here is a picture of him or her covering their little face.

Here is a picture of a tiny foot.

My youngest niece Emily got to witness the live reveal. Here she is with Cliff at the doctor's office.

It's a...

GIRL!!!!!!! A beautiful little girl! And her name is...

Addison Raine McClanathan. My middle name is Lorraine. Emily has my middle name and Addison has a shortened version of it. I felt that the first baby I lost was a little girl. I felt it from the time I knew I was pregnant. I named her Isabella Raine, so the name Raine is special to me. I wanted her first name to be a unisex name. People might prefer to call her Addi for short and that's ok with us. We are THRILLED that she is a girl. Aunt Kelli also came to the reveal.

We were shopping in the hospital gift shop before the appointment. I saw a little ruffled outfit and I knew deep down that I was going to be a little disappointed if it was a boy. I couldn't see myself not buying pink, bows, ruffles, and pearls! We have already bought her a few outfits and my parents have bought some as well. She's quite the princess already.

Ignore the Kotex on the top shelf, as my mother would like me to be prepared after the birth. LOL. I'm sure I'll do the same for Addison one day. See the two outfits on the far left? Those are boy outfits that we bought when I first found out I was pregnant. I'll donate them to someone. Emily helped pick out a toy for Addison after the appointment.

She also got to surprise Granny and Grandpa by having them shut their eyes and then laying pink outfits in their laps.

She is a very healthy baby, currently measuring right at the 50th percentile. She weighs 10 ounces. Her Mama is still very sick and still in the negative on the weight gain. I was told to eat high calorie/high fat foods. Psh. If I could, I would. Grr...doctors. We can now focus on decorating the nursery! I'm leaning towards a pink and green scheme. Something similiar to this.

I break down when I see pictures of nurseries before the baby has arrived and then pictures of the baby in the nursery. It kills me! I will probably fall out when I get to put Addison in her little nursery for the first time! She will know her Mama is crazy right then and there. LOL! I'm also currently obsessed with finding her an outfit to come home in!

I'm getting to be huge! I have a lot of difficulty standing after a squatting position at work and I'm a very grouchy and whiny sleeper now. I can't get comfortable and I'm looking for one of those pillows they make for pregnant women. My only other complaint is the extreme nausea, all day/every day, and the vomiting. Not cool. I am also a BIG fan of tums now.

We went to see the movie, What to Expect When You're Expecting. There is a character named Wendy. SHE IS ME! Totally me. In short, it took a while for her to get pregnant and that's all she wanted. After she got pregnant, she began to understand that it's not all smiles for every woman. It's a good movie. I hope that the next 4.5 months fly by. I feel like I've been pregnant for a decade. But, I know she'll be worth it. This is my song to Addison. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-Xpt1SxDJw

17/18 WEEKS

I haven't been in a hurry to update the blog, because there isn't much new. I will find out the sex on 5/22...finally! I'm still sick. I still weigh less than before I got pregnant. I still hate food. Same 'ol, same 'ol. I was recently at Publix. There was a very pregnant lady in the line in front of me. She was beautiful. She was tan, had make up on, hair was done, but worst of all...she was smiling and laughing with the cashier! I seriously wanted to ram her heels with my buggy. How dare she feel well and look fabulous while I had to lean on the buggy to keep from passing out and looked like the beast off Beauty and the Beast! UGH!!! At that same Publix, this little dude asked me if I wanted to sample some sushi. Oh my goodness. It was all I could do not to knock his sushi table apart with my buggy. It probably should be illegal to give a sick, pregnant woman a buggy. Really. It's bad enough the fruit is right by the seafood so I have to smell it while I'm trying to shop, but for him to be so bold as to ask me if I wanted to try some...that was craziness on his part. Oh, I just smiled and said, "no, thank you", but that's not what my mind was thinking! I'm not sure what to do about the lack of desire to eat food. Imagine your favorite food. Go ahead. A lot of you might say pizza. Now imagine that you are starving and someone puts hot pizza in front of you. It smells great. It looks great. Now imagine that someone pours a combination of vinegar and vomit on it. Would you still eat it? No, you wouldn't. Welcome to my world. I'm actually throwing up more here lately than ever before. I have wondered, without trying to be a drama queen, if I was even going to make it at times. Seriously. I've lost two children and there is just no getting over that. No way, shape, or form. Not possible. It makes a person paranoid. My only request to God is that he take me too if something happened and the baby wasn't going to make it this time. But, I've had these weird nightmares where I don't make it, but the baby is healthy and can't get out. HOW MORBID IS THAT???? I'm going crazy, people. Let's move on to nicer things. I got my first Mother's Day gift. Pretty, huh?

A lot of people told me Happy Mother's Day and that felt pretty surreal. My co-workers have been a big help, especially my techs. They wont let me lift anyone! I do appreciate the help and the concern. I really do. But, it stinks to have lost some independence. My poor co-workers have also had to endure some attitude. I get up at 430am, I throw up, I try to eat, I can't, I lay down several times while getting dressed, I gag on the ride to work, I throw up at work, and I hear this from person after person after person..."Are you feeling any better yet?" I'm already not a morning person. I don't even like people talking to me that early. Add in the sickness and the repetition and it gets scary. By the time that 5th person asks me, I'm ready to scream, "I'M STILL SICK! CAN'T YOU TELL???" But, I don't. I do start saying, "no" and walking off though. That's rude of me. I can't help it. We aren't supposed to be talking about the sickness, huh? Nicer things. Ummmmm....ah, I have a nursery now! A room I can actually call a nursery. I moved into a 3 bedroom home. That is a relief. I was starting to wonder if I was going to have to put the baby in a drawer like they did in the old days. I'll end with this email I received from my cousin, Bryan Cribbs. It made me laugh, but I think there is some revenge to be had here. Cindy, I saw your blog pic today. You’re casting a mighty big shadow. Might want to make sure move around regularly while standing in the yard so all the grass gets equal amounts of sun. Love you -- BRYAN