12 WEEKS

People, I look like death. I'm not kidding. The blood vessels in my head are popped from vomiting. I am exhausted from dealing with sickness day in and day out. And I have to return to work Tuesday. I could ask for more time, but I can't afford it.

Don't get me wrong. I am thrilled about the baby! I know I am blessed. But, hear me now. I NEVER WANT TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN! I will be more than grateful for this one gift. It has been terrible. To be so sick for 3 months straight, with no relief in sight...it gets to ya.

What keeps me going is watching the US video. I just love it. I don't think we could have gotten a better view of that precious little baby dancing around in there. I could watch it all day.

If this baby is a girl, I want her to look back on this blog and understand that she may be sick too and to keep fighting. I can't wait for the day when I can post that the nausea is gone. If it's a boy, maybe he will need this blog to help his wife fight through. I don't know if morning sickness/all day sickness is hereditary, but I sure would feel terrible passing this on.

Food is just gross. It is hard to describe, but the taste of ALL food is metallic. Nothing tastes good. Nothing. If I don't eat, I feel guilty that I'm not feeding the baby. If I do eat, it's torture to get the food down and then the sickness is ten fold. I've lost 5 pounds total since conceiving. I've read that some women lose a lot more, so I should be thankful.

I keep reading that all of this may magically disappear once the second trimester hits. I am SO counting on it. It is all I can think about. I have one more week.

I stopped the progesterone pills a few days early to try and find some relief. None found. I haven't had any bleeding since stopping the pills so keep praying that the baby will remain healthy.

My next appointment is 4/9. That is the one where they will be looking for birth defects or genetic abnormalities, and to probably lecture me about my heart. Maybe we will find out the sex!

I can't tell you how guilty I feel complaining about being pregnant after it has been all I've wanted. But, being this sick for this long will make anybody depressed. Imagine the last time you were really nauseated. Now blow that up times ten and feel it 24/7 for 3 months straight. That is my world.

I was going crazy yesterday because I've been cooped up inside this small apartment. I was determined to get out. I went to the beach for about 30 minutes and then to Winn-Dixie. By the time I made it to Winn-Dixie I was in non-function mode. The feeling is kind of like if I move an eyelash, my body will turn on its projectile vomiting signal. Vomiting provides no relief either. It seems to accelerate the nausea into overdrive.

I've had lots of good advice. I've tried most everything. I think that this is just part of it. There is no cure, because it's just how it is. I'm half crazy right now, but I am strong. I know that this will all eventually be a memory and once I hold that baby, I know I will say that I would do it for him/her all over again.