ROLE REVERSAL--NURSE TO PATIENT

Sunday, I found myself in the fetal position on my bedroom floor with severe abdominal pain. I made the death crawl to the bathroom where I assumed the sitting on the toilet while holding the trashcan position. After gallons of pretty stuff being added to the trash can, and even prettier added to the toilet, I crawled back to my bed.

Repeats of the scenario continued to play out and at 3am when I woke up in severe pain, I decided it was ER time.

For me to go the ER, I must feel like I am literally dying. I do not like doctors. I do not like to take medicine. I do not like green eggs and ham.

Long story short—a hospital gown with a broken tie in the back, morphine, phenergan, an argument with the nurse that no she would NOT be putting a foley catheter in me no matter how much she thought I needed one, 2 large cups of contrast, and a CT scan later, I was diagnosed with colitis.

I was given 5 different medicatons. I had to see my regular doctor today where it was determined that I was allergic to one of the meds since my face looked like an Oompa Loompa. A 6th medicine was added to fight the allergic reaction and then a 7th one to replace the one that I am allergic to. I have enough medications in my system to kill a horse.

But, let me tell y'all the whole reason I wrote this blog! Remember paragraph one where I was referring to the trash can? Well, that particular trash can was filled with a couple of gallons of….stomach contents. Will, the official throw up cleaner upper, emptied it into a bag and then added it to the big trash can in the garage.

Today he took all of our trash to the dump. He tossed all of it in the big dumpster and got back in the Jeep. He went to buckle his seatbelt and noticed something strange…his entire shirt was covered in throw up!!!! Apparently, the bag that held those special contents leaked on his shirt when he went to throw the bag. Of course, I found that hilarious and really haven't stopped laughing about it since!

In the spirit of Christmas, I just thought I would share this very beautiful story. I hope you enjoyed it.

OH WELL

Poor Bailey...he's wearing an orange jersey. It's just such a shame that my camera is broken and I can't post a picture of him wearing it...a true shame. No, seriously, I will post a picture soon. My digital camera is broken so I am going to have to get some hard copies developed old school style. Will was thrilled to be able to put it on him and I have to admit he looks pretty cute in it, but I know that he would prefer to be wearing garnet and black. Maybe next year...

THIS YEAR'S BET

Only 45 minutes to gametime...as most of you know, Will and I have a bet every year for the Carolina /Clemson game. This year's bet...Bailey will wear the jersey of the winning team when he is cold, which is every day. Will picked the bet this year. I wanted to do something a little riskier such as the spare tire cover or even a revision of last year's bet to have the patio flag changed to this year's winning team. But, he didn't want to do that. If you ask me, I think he's scared. :-) Go Gamecocks!

TIME SURE DOES FLY!

I'm not sure if y'all will be able to recognize these two skinny people who look like little kids getting married, but as of Thursday (11/27) they will have been married for FIFTEEN years!

BAILEY'S BROTHER

We purchased Bailey a couple of years ago. Shortly after we brought him home, we were shopping in PetSmart when we passed a lady who was carrying a small dog that looked just like Bailey. I went up to her and told her that I had a clone of her dog at home. After asking each other a few questions, we quickly realized that the dogs had been purchased from the same litter!

We bought Bailey at an art fair (strange place to buy a dog, I know). She happened to be at that same art fair where she bought Bailey's brother whose name is Trevor. Believe it or not, Trevor was actually the name we almost chose for Bailey!

I just find it so amazing that we do not live close to each other, bought dogs from the same litter, and then ran into each other in another town and determined that they were brothers!

We have exchanged pictures of the dogs every few months since our chance meeting. Their similarities are so unreal. In the pictures above, Trevor is in the top picture and Bailey is in the bottom one. I think Trevor's owner, Amy, would agree with me on this---not only do they look just alike, they are also both very spoiled!

VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!

Please go make an informed vote tomorrow…no excuses! I think every American knows how important this election is. And, I think we all know that we owe it to those who died for our freedom and right to vote.

I hope that people who are basing their decision on some celebrity who abused their influence on television will just stay home. But, I hope that those of us who have done our research will show up in record numbers.

It is my hope that people will look beyond the empty speeches that were nothing more than motivational rallies to get crowds pumped up and focus on the speeches that contained specifics regarding a plan for our country.

Bottom line--please make an informed VOTE tomorrow!

LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF A BIRD

This is our dog Bailey. He is mad because Willis gets so much attention on my blog and he does not. For one thing, he said he wants everyone to know that he is a track star and can run faster than a speeding bullet. That is why he got a letterman jacket. He said that he can also jump hurdles and not to think he can't just because his legs are only one inch long. He said he just doesn't feel like doing it, but he could if he wanted to.

Secondly, he would like for everyone to know what I did to his toenail. He is very upset and insulted about it. I don't know when/if he will forgive me. Here's what happened--

I was studying in my office and Bailey was lying behind my office chair wrapped in a blanket. I didn't even know he was back there. I pushed the chair backward and heard what sounded like a pig about to be caught for butcher. I mean, he was squealing at the top of his lungs.

I wasn't sure what was happening and it took me a second to realize that I was on top of him! I scooped him up and he was pitiful. But I was worse off than he was! I cried and just felt absolutely terrible.

I checked him out and he was fine…no bleeding, no apparent injury. A couple of hours later Will got home. I was still in my office and he walked up and showed me this long black thing he found on the floor. It looked like a long shark's tooth. Then I realized….it was one of Bailey's toenails!!! I had apparently severed it with my office chair.

I got upset all over again because that had to have been incredibly painful for him to lose a toenail that way. But, he is fine…no bleeding, no infection…and I have learned to be extra careful when I get up from my desk.

Bailey feels better knowing that everyone now understands how abused and neglected he is. He does not care that he gets clothes bought for him in the winter, has a never ending supply of food, at least 50 toys, his own blankets, and his own jar of treats. He feels very much neglected and doesn't appreciate having his toenail chopped off for no good reason and doesn't understand why Willis gets all the attention AND gets to keep all of his toenails.

LAUGH OF THE DAY

This is funny. I can't stop laughing. We have a very large tv so everything on it looks huge and Willis can see the tv from his cage. A little while ago, he was playing very happily with a red block and watching tv when a very large bird appeared on the screen. It scared him so bad he fell off his perch! Normally when he falls he laughs at himself and says, "Oh Willis..." But, not this time. He is mad! He is sitting over there pouting with his feathers out around his beak and it is FUNNY! He isn't hurt physically or anything...just his pride. I can't stop laughing at him and he does not like it! :-)

HOW EMBARRASSING

Remember as a kid accidentally forgetting to zip your zipper after bathroom trips? Remember how embarrassing it was? Ok, I think that it is even more embarrassing as an adult.

I recently walked in a big mall for 45 minutes to an hour with my zipper all the way down. The mistake apparently happened when I was trying on a pair of pants and had a brain lapse.

I'm not talking about it just being down. I'm talking about it being wide open...wide open. I realized this when I walked into a department store bathroom that had a full length mirror and saw a flash of hot pink radiating out of my jeans. I couldn't be wearing black underwear that day where it wouldn't have been so noticeable. No, I had to wear the eye blinding hot pink ones!

It was like, "Everyone, I want you to see my underwear. I love them so much. Look, look." That was the first time I've done that since I was a kid, I believe. I was so mortified. But, since I have a warped since of humor I thought it was hilarious too and immediately sent Will a text message telling him all about it.

I know that tons of people noticed it was down, but didn't have the heart to fill me in. At least I gave them, and myself, a good laugh!

FUNDAMENTAL

Has anyone noticed the complete overuse of the word "fundamental" by both of our presidential candidates? They both used it over and over during both debates. It got so bad that I told Will I was going to vote for whoever said it the least amount of times. Obviously, I was kidding. But, seriously, I have a fundamental difference of opinion regarding both candidates abuse of the word. I hope they stop using it. If not, I feel it could be a real fundamental problem when everyone loses their sanity after hearing the word repeated too many times.

FIREPROOF

I want to recommend that all of you go see the movie Fireproof. I read about it on the internet and talked Will into going to see it with me yesterday. It is a Christian movie about faith and marriage. The theatre was packed and there was not a single dry eye in the house when it was over. Take lots of Kleenex! The acting is not very good, but the message behind the movie is overwhelmingly good. Go see it....asap!!!

WISDOM WITH AGE

Today I am 33. Tomorrow I will be 34. Kind of upsetting since I was finally starting to remember how old I was when people asked. Now, I’ll be like, “I think I’m 32 or maybe 36, something like that.” I have seriously had to ask Will in the past how old I was if I needed a quick answer. I’m not even kidding. That is sad.

I’d like to think I am another year wiser and not think about the degeneration of my physical being. However, one certainly begins noticing changes at around the age of 30 and they just keep going from there. Oh well, as they say, age is just a number right?

I will try and reflect on 10 things I have learned from the ages of 0-33. I hope to learn more the older I get.

10. Even if I check my weight 3 times in a row and kick and call the scale names in between each check, the number will still be the same.

9. Laughing at inappropriate times, such as during a group meditation class, will always be a flaw of mine.

8. I have an above average sense of smell and it is not always a good thing.

7. No matter how many times I try pizza, it will always taste like wet bread, grease, and vomit to me and people telling me I am crazy for not liking it will not change that.

6. Some birds can talk and will tell me that the creepy crawler is coming and that they are going to Wal-Mart and Florida for 40 days.

5. The sun really does cause wrinkles and age spots and baby oil and iodine, used during teen years, make them worse. Who knew?

4. I know that PMS is real…very real…and can be used as a weapon.

3. I will always have air headed moments, even if I hate them. And by the way, gas with an octane level of 89 does not mean it was created in 1989. (don’t ask)

2. I will never be a morning person and will always cringe a little at those that are. I think when people start smiling the second their eyes open they should be evaluated by a psychiatrist.

1. Although he will never admit it, I have learned that my husband will always love football, the dog, and Heather Locklear a little more than he does me.

COMMERCIALS

I really hate commercials. I am one of those people that channel surfs during them. They are such a waste of airtime.

But, Sonic commercials really crack me up! My favorite one is with the two ladies who eat their ice-cream and want to order another one, but they are too embarassed. So one of them decides to try and talk like a man to disguise her voice and she starts practicing in a low tone.

To make it more convincing, she puts her finger abover her lip to be her "mustache" and then her friend tells her that the mustache helps. I never tire of it.

Think of me laughing with you next time you see it!

I DIDN'T MEAN TO, HONEST!

On my way home from school today, I noticed a state trooper behind me. I did what every person would do and slowed down to the exact speed limit. We stopped at a red light and I noticed he was still right behind me. After that, my memory is blurred because the next thing I knew he had his blue lights on.

I got over in the right lane and wondered who he caught for speeding and how he knew they were speeding since he couldn't really see around me. But, he didn't go around me. He followed me! I pulled over, but still doubted it was me he was after.

He came to the window and the first thing he did was ask me why I have a Gamecock steering wheel cover but have a Clemson hitch cover. I mumbled something about going to USC and then just stared at him like he had lost his mind. I couldn't even figure out how to explain the Clemson hitch cover because I was in some kind of shock.

Then he asked me why I was in such a hurry. I mumbled something about being in class for 5 hours and I must have been thining about the lecture material, but didn't really know. Duh! It was then that he told me I "took off from the redlight at 58 miles an hour in a 45 mile per hour zone."

Ok, first of all I don't even think that is possible. I love my Jeep but I am pretty confident that it doesn't do 0-58 in 5 seconds. I started babbling that I knew he was behind me and I was trying to stay at the exact speed limit. He gave me a look and then I realized how that sounded! Then, I grabbed his hand on instint and said, "No, no, no! I didn't mean to imply that I wouldn't have been watching my speed if you weren't behind me!"

Just for the record, I think it is a really dumb move to grab a state troopers hand. I am pretty sure they don't like people touching them. But, he just said ok and then went to research my record. I got a speeding ticket a few months ago that I kind of deserved, but that's another story. So, I figured that I would get another ticket for sure.

When he handed me a warning, I started babbling again about not meaning to speed! I don't know why I thought I needed to add more detail since he had already let me off with a warning! I don't know what was wrong with me. I guess I was just in shock about the whole deal. One thing I learned is that I can go from calm and collected to total babbling idiot in 5 seconds flat!

WILLIS JAMMIN' OUT

He is still a bit scared of the camera, but I was trying to do this funky white girl dance to keep him going. Perhaps seeing me doing that would have been even funnier than this video! Ha! I think Willis will forget about the camera soon and I will be able to post more video of him. He keeps us laughing around here!

NEED YOUR HELP

We have a tree in our yard that is producing tons of these little things. We cracked it open and it had what looked like lima beans inside...about 3 of them. We have no clue what these are and neither does our neighbor. Any ideas?

HISTORY LESSON

I recently watched a documentary about Americans’ Martin and Gracia Burnham. They were captured by an Islamic rebel group in the Philippines, while celebrating their anniversary. They, along with others, were held hostage for over a year. Sadly, Martin was killed on the day they were to be rescued.

During the documentary, Gracia spoke of one day when Martin was forced, by the Islamic group, to sing our National Anthem. They heard, by radio, of the events that happened in America on 9/11 and the Islamic group was mocking us. Gracia said Martin’s heart ached for America, and with tears streaming down his face, he sang The Star Spangled Banner with all his heart. Gracia said that even in his current situation, his thoughts were with his home and the tragedy that occurred here. He stood up and got through the song while their capturers laughed and mocked him the entire time. That, folks, is what you call a hero.

Now, fast forward to this past weekend…Will and I were watching the Olympics as Phelps won a gold medal to add to his collection. Our president was in the audience watching the event and we felt proud when our National Anthem was played right there in China. But, we were shocked when someone cut it off before the final words were played out. We are sure that was not an intentional move.

As we sat there, we started talking about teaching Willis the words to the National Anthem. We both started singing it to him and both realized that during certain parts we were sort of singing without forming words and then singing the words we knew really loud. I was pretty embarrassed that we didn’t know each and every word.

I immediately looked up the words and we sat there singing that song over and over until we had the words down. Yes, it sounded like of one those American Idol auditions that they use to show how badly people sing, but we didn’t care. And, guess what? Willis now sings, “Oh, say can you seeeeeeeee….” He hasn’t gotten any further, because I think he just loves to say “seeeeee” and then start over.

My point about this blog is that every American should know the words to our National Anthem. I challenge you now to try singing the song. Yes, right now. Go ahead….I’m waiting.

Did you know all the words? If so, that is great! If not, you might feel a little embarrassed like Will and I did. Actually, we felt a LOT embarrassed. We talk about our soldiers a lot and all that America has faced to date. We should have known those words, but when you don’t sing it every day, you forget. We did. We know them now though, and we are proud of it too!

I would like to print the words for you here. By the way, if you don’t know what the word rampart means…we didn’t…here is the definition—A type of defensive wall consisting of a low earthen embankment topped by a parapet or palisade.

Now, stand up, put your hand over your heart and sing LOUD…I want to hear you right here in South Carolina. And the next time you are at an event where this is played, I want you to sing each and every word as loud and proud as you possibly can!

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Also, check out this link—if it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, then I don’t know what will---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSiRUSjSJnQ

CLEMSON DAM

Our attempt to find a bike trail night before last didn't pan out. We were told the general vicinity of the trail, however, we never found it. We ended up on a 5 mile long dirt road with no end in site. We just kept driving and driving in an attempt to find an end. After driving for what seemed like an eternity, we came up on a dam. There were beautiful views out there. We walked around and saw the sights and then headed back home. Of note though--even though we were in a very beautiful, peaceful place, it was partially ruined by a drunk fisherman who decided to pee...a river...right in front of us. We both decided that was one tough bike workout...getting the bikes in the Jeep at home and then not taking them out, that is. Will had to work last night, so maybe we will try again tonight. Wish us luck!

ARMSTRONG WANNABES

Yesterday, Will and I set out to buy mountain bikes. We went to a professional cycle shop first, where we were given loads of information about what size bikes we needed, maintenance, cost, etc. The cheapest bike they had for us was $350. That was more than we wanted to invest for a first bike. Our goal was to buy some cheaper bikes, test out the trails, and make sure we were really going to stick to this.

So, we headed over to Wal-Mart. They didn’t have any bikes for our height. We went to Target next and found two in our size. Because I am only 5’4”, my bike literally looks like a kid one. It is so little and reminds me of a smaller version of what Pee-Wee Herman would ride. It is a pink Schwinn. It was $169, which is also more than we wanted to pay, but Will’s bike was on sale for $84 so we felt like we got a good deal.

Will got a mirror to go on his so he can keep track of me while we ride, which I think is pretty funny. We got out and tested them in our subdivision last night. I had great difficulty with the gear thing. I don’t want to have to change gears! But, when you go up hills, it is a must. I am going to have to get Will to give me another lesson before we go out again. We are planning to try some simple trails this evening that the bike shop told us about and see how we do. It should be very interesting.

THE GIRLS

This past Saturday, Will and I met my sister and her husband—Kelli and Chris—halfway between their house in Florida and ours in South Carolina to pick up their girls. My oldest niece (Kaitlyn) is 7, the middle one (Hannah) is 5, and my namesake (Emily Lorraine) is one. We started the tradition of getting the girls when Kaitlyn was about one. We can hardly believe that she is now 7!

We met up with them around 11:30 on Saturday. We were very excited to see the girls. All 3 of them are beautiful and sweet. We loaded them up in the car and told them to wave bye to their Mama and Daddy. This part always tears me up a little, because I can only imagine how Kelli must feel to see her whole world ride off in our car with us. I realize that she needs a break from the kids, but I also fully understand how hard it must be for her to watch her heart and soul drive away.

The girls were excited to be coming to SC. Emily almost immediately started dancing to the radio. She is so laid back—a lot like Kelli. We stopped at McDonald’s about an hour down the road and took time to catch up with them over lunch. These kids are so well behaved. They always sit and eat their food like little angels. Even Emily was happy as she could be sitting in her high chair eating her baby food. I let her drink from my straw and that was just the funniest thing in the world to her.

Once we left McDonald’s, we started hearing the big question, “Are we almost there yet?” They were so excited once we finally pulled up in the driveway. Hannah was very anxious to see Bailey—our two year old miniature dachshund. She loves that dog and I always tell her that she is part owner of him. We share him with her, like Kelli shares them with Will and me. We walked in the door and when Bailey saw those kids, he went ballistic. Then…he started spontaneously peeing!

Will ran and grabbed him and the whole time he was trying to carry him out the door Bailey was squirming trying to welcome the kids….and peeing! That was a really fun way to start their arrival since it had to be cleaned up before we could unpack or let Emily do some much needed running around.

The day passed quickly and it was time for dinner. I cooked what kids consider fine cuisine—chicken nuggets and french fries. Come to think of it, I also consider this meal fine cuisine!

Around 7:45pm, Kaitlyn informed me that she wanted to watch a Hannah Montana concert that was coming on at 8. It hit me then how fast she is growing up! She is such a little lady now. While she watched it, Hannah and Emily ran around with Bailey.

It was time for bed and we made a pallet in the living room for Kaitlyn and Hannah. We set up Emily’s playpen at the foot of our bed and started getting ready for bed. I was a little nervous since this was my first night with Emily. I heated a bottle for her and rocked her. She eventually fell out and I put her in her playpen, where she slept like a little angel….until 1:00am.

I am normally a heavy sleeper, but when the girls are here, I pop awake at the slightest noise. At 1:00am, I heard a little tiny “eh”. It wasn’t even a cry, but I was on my feet standing over her playpen. That silly little girl looked up at me and started laughing! She is so sweet, especially when she is sleepy. She wants to play. I picked her up and put her in the bed with me and Will…because I am allowed to spoil her and then give her back to Kelli. She fell back to sleep immediately…until 3:30am.

She let out a little whine and I was on my feet again. I heated a bottle for her and let her drink it in our bed. She fell asleep and I put her back in the playpen. She slept soundly…until 6:00am. She made a noise, I bolted to her playpen, she laughed, and I put her in the bed with us. That little stinker knows how to play the game. She slept until 9:00am and we got up to wake Kaitlyn and Hannah up.

We fed all 3 of them breakfast and then I gave Emily a bath in the kitchen sink. She loves to take a bath and she had a good ‘ol time splashing around in the water. I dressed her and she went off to play.

Then…we had an issue. Emily started making all kinds of faces and noises. She looked uncomfortable and I wondered if she had a belly ache. Then I figured she must have just messed her diaper up so I started to change her.

It was at this point that I noticed…something…sticking out. The poor little girl was constipated and was having a bit of an impaction issue. I already had her diaper off and I was trying to help her. She turned over on her stomach and an unidentified flying object shot up like a bird and landed with a thud on the bed. Will was standing beside me and he was flabbergasted. I was very excited that she was able to rectify…no pun intended…things on her own. We had a pretty good laugh about it after it was all over. (I am writing this in the hopes that I can show it to Emily’s boyfriend when she becomes a teenager.)

The temperature has been really hot here so we spent the majority of the day playing inside. While Emily took a nap, the older girls helped me make brownies. I let them do everything and they took turns doing the steps…adding the oil, the eggs, the mix. They were really excited to be able to crack an egg. They both tentatively tapped it on the bowl and then cracked it with their hands. I laughed and dug egg shells out and we continued on. By the way, the brownies turned out really good. We all enjoyed them.

After dinner, we decided to take them to a nearby playground. They had a blast. Emily just walked around, in her laid back way, like she is an adult. She enjoyed playing and watching her sisters.

After that, we took them to an empty baseball field and let them run the bases. Hannah insisted on running from home to the pitchers mound to second to third and back to home. She is defiant that way. Will ran with them and they all had fun.

Before we knew it, it was time for bed again. Same routine as the night before, but this time Emily did not wake up until 4am. I didn’t know what to think about that. I got up every hour and put my face within an inch of hers so I could hear her breathe! I know it was irrational, but I was worried. I fed her a bottle at 4 and she slept until 9 again.

Now, this morning was going to different because Uncle Will had to go to work. Will was a big help with the girls because he loves to laugh and play. He rocked Emily, did imitations for all of them, danced with them, and just had fun getting to be a big kid. Emily clearly loves him and he was there to play with her and watch her while I did things like cook or clean the kitchen. If I needed him to get a bottle from the kitchen downstairs in the middle of the night, he did it. He helped a lot, but don’t tell him I said that or he might get a big head.

I knew it would be a bit more difficult without him here. Our house is obviously not baby proofed and Emily must be in eye’s view at all times. So…the first thing she decided to do was make a big poop mess. It was all over her, which I was used to from dealing with the other girls. That is one of the things all babies on the planet do best…poop. But, we did run into a bit of an issue.

I put her diaper in the trash and began bathing her. The older girls were running around playing when I heard this from Hannah, “Aunt Cindy, I have stinky on my foot.” Apparently some of the poop fell out of the diaper on the way to the trash and Hannah stepped in it. At this point, Bailey decided he was going to come taste some of the “stinky” off of Hannah’s foot. Emily was still in the water so I couldn’t help Hannah. I asked Kaitlyn to get her a baby wipe and she was able to clean herself up. Phew!

Will came home for lunch and then went into his office here at home to write. Emily fell asleep so I decided to leave her with Will and take Kaitlyn and Hannah to the library. Kaitlyn is a very good reader and was excited to be able to pick out a lot of books. I believe she said she wanted to get 11. It was fun to watch them run around grabbing books that they didn’t even know the title of.

When we got home, Emily was in the same position as she was when we left. She slept another 30 minutes and then was wide open again. She had a lot of fun trying to get her sisters books and tear them up.

Once Will was done working for the night, we decided that we would take the girls to Chick-fil-A and then let them play on the playground. They ate their food quickly so they could get to the playground fast and then groaned when they realized that Uncle Will and Aunt Cindy are extremely slow eaters.

We finally made it to the playground and they played hard. When we first got in there, a little 9 year old girl informed Will that he did not have his shoes off and you are supposed to have your shoes off to play in there. Will assured her that he wasn’t going to get on the slides or other equipment and she was fine with that.

There was also a little girl in there that was 17 months old, but much smaller than Emily. Her mother told me that she is just extremely small boned and petite. She came over to where Emily and I were playing with the toddler stuff and the first thing Emily did was stick her finger in the little girl’s eye. She didn’t cry, but she ran off to her mother and didn’t come back for a while.

After we left, the older girls told me that the 9 year old pulled Hannah’s hair at some point. I told them that was ok, because Emily poked that girl’s sister’s eye out, so we were all even.

We made it to bed again and Emily decided to do a repeat of the first night. She was up quite a bit. She doesn’t really cry though, which is what is funny about it. She gets up laughing and tries to play. She is so sweet! By the next morning though, I could feel the fatigue from the previous nights of no sleeping.

As I began another morning of bathing Emily and preparing breakfast for the 3 of them on my own, I seriously began to wonder where my sister hides her superhero powers. Kelli is not a complainer. She doesn’t complain about being tired, she doesn’t complain about being sick, she doesn’t complain about caring for the girls on her own while Chris works.

On the morning that she was to deliver Emily, Will and I stayed with the girls because Kelli had to be at the hospital at 4 or 5 in the morning. We were sleeping on an air mattress in their living room and I vividly remember Kelli stepping over us carrying her own luggage bag and a car seat. It was like, “Excuse me, I’m going to have a baby now. I’m taking my stuff to the car. See ya later.” She is laid back that way. Our mother isn’t a complainer either and I thought about all she must have gone through caring for Adam and Kelli, who are very close in age, and a lot younger than me, while Daddy had to work. She didn’t go through anything caring for me, because I was the best child ever. Ha!

Back to the visit…the girls and I played all day. We took them all to Pizza Hut for dinner. Hannah was pretty funny there. She loves salad so she got a bowl of that. She also wanted a bowl of cottage cheese, a piece of pizza, and breadsticks with sauce, so she ended up with 4 plates in front of her. Emily helped me eat pasta and drank water from my straw.

By bedtime, Will and I were beyond tired. We were somewhat like zombies. We put all of the girls in the bed and I started packing their stuff up. It was at this point that I realized they were going home the next day and I started the bawling. I must have cried for an hour as I gathered all of their things. I fell into bed. Emily decided to give it to us one more time before she left and got up several times.

Morning came and we were dead on our feet. I made coffee and drank it with my eyes closed before we woke the kids. I cried on the way, but I was also ready for some rest. There are huge benefits to being able to give kids back once you get tired! I know that I will get them again next year and I am already excited about it!

AMONG THE RICH

Will and I left this past Saturday to head to Greensboro, GA. Will was there covering ACC Media Days. They hold the conference at a different location every year. This year it was at the Reynold’s Plantation, Ritz-Carlton. Wow! It was very, very nice.

We were met at the door by men wearing knickers and knee socks who quickly got our luggage out of the car and herded us into the lobby. Will just loved their outfits. I may have to get him one.

It was really spectacular there. The service was out of this world. Every single employee spoke to us. And, they tried very hard to say our name, which ended up sounding like, “Vandervet”…but, they did try which I thought was great.

Once we got to our room, which looked like something out of a magazine, we decided to tour the grounds. On the property is Lake Oconee which is very nice and they also have an infinity pool. It looks as if it has no edge and appears to run right into the lake. I just thought it was the neatest thing.

After we toured, we decided to get dinner. We ended up at a restaurant on the property called Georgia’s. We paid for this meal ourselves, and it was overpriced for us, but we figured we may as well experience it.

When we sat down, there were white linen napkins in front of us. I went to put mine in my lap and the hostess quickly took it from me and put a navy napkin in my lap that she pulled out of the air. That blew my little mind.

As soon as she left, I asked Will why in the world I got a special napkin. He didn’t know, of course. So then I became nervous wondering if I was supposed to do something with this thing that I didn’t know about. After much thought, I finally determined that they replaced the white napkin with the dark one because I had on a brown dress and they didn’t want the white one to shed on me. That is the only theory I can come up with. If anyone else has any other ideas, let me know.

Once we got the menu, we realized that we didn’t know what half the stuff was on there. We told our server that we were “country come to town” and didn’t really know what to order. She was very nice and patient and explained everything to us. I ended up with filet mignon, squash, and very classy now…french fries! Will got duck and mashed potatoes.

I need to back up and tell y’all about the server assistant first. Before the main server came, a young Asian lady with a heavy accent informed us that she was our server assistant and asked if we wanted to start with sparkling water, distilled water, or tap water. Will, who is literally half deaf, yelled out, “I don’t like water! Don’t you have coke?” I told the poor lady that tap water would be fine.

I enjoyed my food greatly, but Will did not. The duck was too tough to eat and he wasn’t in the mood to complain. We looked at a dessert menu, but passed. I guess they felt sorry for us so they brought us two little truffles—one milk chocolate and one white chocolate. They were good.

That night we attended a hospitality event held by the ACC. There were a lot of “to-do’s” there and I stood by listening to Will talk about football. At one point, he was talking to one of the bowl president’s and I had no clue what they were talking about, so I was kind of out of it. When it was time to move on, I tried to shake the guy’s hand and tell him it was nice meeting him, but we somehow missed hands and did an air shake instead. It was pretty funny…and very awkward!

We mingled about some more and that’s when I noticed something….Will had a worm on his shirt….a WORM! I do not know how long it had been sitting there, but when I tried to get it off, it started doing that inch thing that worms do and it was doing ninety to nothing toward his collar. Of course, I found it funny, and couldn’t stop laughing. We eventually got it off and decided to head back to the room.

On our way, we noticed a jazz band playing in the lobby. They had a lady singing and she was pretty good. We decided to sit and listen a while and watch the people go by. A large crowd of….um….yuppies walked by. They had that special tone to their voice that some rich people use, the men had their collars up like they were Elvis and they just had an arrogance about them. People that think they are better than those around them are a pet peeve of mine. Well, I noticed that one of them had a very large nose, but I didn’t say anything at the time. They didn’t stay long and we didn’t think anything else of them.

Well, about 20 minutes later, the entire group came back by, but one was missing. So, I leaned over to Will and said, “I wonder where big nose is.” Again, Will can’t hear and the music was loud, so he yelled out, “Big nose?!” Right then, I promise you, Big Nose himself walked right by us and I yelled back, “There he is!” The guy was oblivious to our conversation, thank goodness. It was funny. You had to be there.

Once we got back to our room, we decided to sit out on our patio. In front of the patio was a little patch of ivy or some kind of plant. In order to get off the patio, the ivy had to be jumped. At one point, I wanted to see a building that was several hundred feet away so I vaulted on over. When Will saw this, he said very seriously, “That is just great Cindy. Getting in those bushes. Now you are going to have bed bugs.” I’m not sure if he was trying to say red bugs or what, but it was truly funny.

We finally turned in. One of the things I love most about fancy hotels is turn down service. I just think it is the cutest thing for your bed covers to be pulled back for you. They also left chocolate, a flower, and a bottle of water every night. I asked Will when we got home when he was going to do our turn down service. He said he’d get right on that.

The next couple of days went by quickly as Will stayed very busy with work. I mostly hung out by the pool. It was a hard life. The only thing I didn’t get to do was swim in that lake. I really wanted to.

Overall, we had a great time. If you are ever in Greensboro, I highly recommend this place. Hopefully, Will and I can visit the resort again during their off season…after we sell a kidney.

MONKEY MUNCH

Any Jon & Kate plus 8 fans out there? I wouldn't really call myself a fan, but I do watch it from time to time. On a recent episode, Kate made Monkey Munch. I couldn't stop thinking about that stuff so I found the recipe online, made it today, and took a picture of it for you. It makes a ton so I will give my neighbor half of it. When my little monkeys (aka my nieces) come to visit, I will let them make it, which I know they will love. Enjoy!

9 cup Chex
1 cup chocolate chips
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup butter
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar

Put cereal in large bowl.

Melt chocolate chips, peanut butter, and butter in microwave.

Remove from heat and stir in vanilla. (Don't forget the vanilla like I did!)

Pour over Chex cereal, put into a large plastic bag (use a 2 gallon bag if you have one) with powdered sugar and shake well to coat.

Spread mixture evenly on wax paper and allow to cool.

SHE-MAN

Today, I decided to mow. Will and I usually do it as a team, but he had to play golf today. Just kidding. Will has never been the lazy type at all. We have always shared responsibilities from washing clothes to cooking. The only things he tries to get out of are unloading the dishwasher, cleaning toilets, and mopping. He hates to do those, but that is fine because I hate to put laundry away and sweep. It all balances out.

Anyway, back to mowing. Will did go golfing with some kind of media event that they have every year. I did a few errands after he left and then felt bored. I actually enjoy mowing for whatever reason and didn’t have anything else to do, so I headed out. The heat kind of took my breath away at first because it feels like it is 150 degrees outside today.

I mentioned in an earlier blog that Will has a touch of OCD. I didn’t mention that I do too about some things. One of those things is grass patterns. I do not know why, but it drives me batty if my mowing pattern gets off. I will literally mow over parts that I have already mowed in order to get back on my little pattern if I get off course. It’s crazy. I know it is.

Wait, hold everything. I just thought about something totally off the topic of mowing, but it is on the topic of OCD. Ok, so remember when I also mentioned in an earlier blog that Will doesn’t like ice? Well, a couple of weeks ago, a waiter brought a pitcher of ice to the table and started pouring it into Will’s tea. Will just about had a stroke. I’m not even kidding. He scared the poor kid half to death waving his hands around, saying, “no, no, no!” Well, we ate out the next day too because we were traveling and we got some tea to go. When we got in the car, he looked at me and then pushed down the little button that says “other” on the lid and informed me that meant it was the one with no ice and that one was his. He was traumatized from the night before and wasn’t taking any chances. I snapped the above picture to remember it, because I found it very funny. He is crazy as a loon, for real.

Sorry, back to today….I used the riding lawnmower for the majority of the yard, and here’s a little secret…I have no earthly idea how that thing works! I usually just push buttons and levers until something happens. At one point, I got stuck because Will has only told me 10,000 times not to go over that part and apparently I need to be told 10,001 times. Once I was stuck, the lawnmower just shut down.

I assessed the situation. I cranked it back up, let off the brake, and down it went again. This went on for several minutes, until I finally realized that the gear was in reverse and it won’t move if the blade is down while the mower is in reverse. I pretended like I knew that all along and continued on.

Once I was done with all I could do riding, I drug the push mower out. I love to crank it up because it makes me feel all powerful and stuff. I was also pretty impressed with myself that I remembered to push the little button thingy on the front 3 times in order to prime it. I hoped all the neighbors were watching since I got it cranked with one pull. Tawanda! (Remember, from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes?)

I actually got stuck with the pushmower once too though. It just stopped and tons of orange dirt…clay….was flying all around me. I felt like Pigpen off of Charlie Brown. I really thought it was on fire for a minute, but turns out I just ran over a clay clump. I was wondering why it was making such loud noises. I bet y’all don’t know this. You aren’t supposed to run over rocks or clay clumps. You have to be a professional lawn mower, like me, to know these kinds of things. Will taught me the rules. But, what Will doesn’t know wont hurt him, now will it?

As I mowed, I noticed several cigarette butts in various places around the yard. I could feel my blood pressure rising about this. I mean, who do these people think they are? I just can not believe the nerve. For one thing, SC is in one of the worst droughts in its history which means fires happen readily, and for another, why are they throwing trash in my yard?!

I got madder and madder about it and started glaring at all my neighbor’s houses trying to figure out who was doing this. I have decided that I will be watching each car that drives by here and I will follow anyone I see throwing anything in my yard to their house and we will have a little chat. They better be scared too, because I am a Nelson and pms week is coming up. Nelson+PMS=baaaaad.

Anyway, I felt quite an accomplishment once the yard was finished. I also found a new job…cigarette butt litterer watcher/hurter of cigarette butt litterer. It’s a dual role. It took me a long time to come up with that new job title. I am glad that it sounds so professional and official.

WILLIS TALKING!

I finally figured out how to post some video of Willis talking!

If he sees equipment, such as a tape recorder or camera, he just stares at it. On the video, you will hear me whispering that I am standing in the hall hiding from him. You will notice if I point the camera at his cage, he will stop talking. I can't remember everything he says, but he sings I believe I can fly, Twinkle Twinkle, 12345 days, Well Willis, going to Wal-Mart, peek-a-boo, I see you, what doin', tickle, tickle, tickle, wanna go see Will, etc.

Leave me a comment if you are able to see/hear this and whether or not you have any problems so I will know if it is ok to post more. Your comment wont actually post to the screen until I log into my account and release it. I'll try to get him used to the camera now that I know how to do it so you can see him up close. Oh, and one more thing, I had to hit the little play arrow twice to get it to work.

WILLIS TALKING! (con't)

PRETTY MEMORIES

The post below reminded me of when my sister, Kelli, and I went to Orlando in 2001. It was just the two of us and we were there to go to Disney World, of course. I believe we stayed about four days. We had a good time, but did have one bad experience.

We headed for Orlando around 8 in the morning and once we arrived we decided to get some lunch before checking into our hotel. We didn’t have any particular place in mind and we were just kind of riding around looking for something. We came upon Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck BBQ Restaurant and decided that--a) we both liked BBQ and b) we were both rednecks--so we went on in.

We just loved the food. The whole time we were eating, we kept commenting about how good it was. We ate pulled pork. Feeling stuffed, we headed to our hotel. While we were waiting in line to check in, sounds started happening. Very loud rumblings.

We looked at each other and almost simultaneously said, “My stomach doesn’t feel right.” I wasn’t overly concerned at this point because we had just eaten a big meal and thought we probably ate too much.

Concern turned to panic by the time we reached the room because we were literally knocking each other down trying to get to the bathroom! People, it was not pretty. It was BAD! Remember the scene in Dumb and Dumber? That is exactly what it was like. For those that haven’t seen that movie, think of sounds like firecrackers and 5 gallon buckets of water being poured off a building. It was terrible. It was one of the sickest times of my life.

We each felt guilty while the other one was waiting to use the one bathroom, because waiting was pure torture. I remember sitting on the toilet while opening the door to yell at Kelli on the bed to see if she was still alive while she was waiting her turn. We took turns like this for an hour straight. We apparently had a touch of food poison. It got so bad that I contemplated calling someone to take us to the hospital, but we toughed it out.

Once we were drained of all bodily fluids, Kelli decided she wanted to call home and check on my niece, Kaitlyn, who was still a baby at the time. Neither one of us had a cell phone and the room phone wouldn’t work right. We were able to get the front desk on the line and they said they would send someone down to check it out.

After I hung up, I realized that someone was getting ready to walk into a room that…well… it sure enough didn’t smell like roses, ok? Too late. The guy knocked on the door and we let him in. There we sat, looking pretty as you please, while this poor guy had to work on our phone. The whole time, Kelli and I were looking at each other about to die laughing. He eventually decided that he couldn’t fix it, although he didn’t try very long, and they moved us to another room.

We were glad too, because someone stank up the bathroom bad in the first room and we didn’t appreciate it.

LOVE

Since Will and I don’t see each other much, we often communicate by e-mail. We write each other some really sweet and meaningful things. It’s very romantic. I’ll share a recent e-mail with you. Try not to cry.

Cindy....yahoo....wrote:

Will, I Saw this on the 'net..did you write it?

Why does slimfast give you explosive poop?Usually when I have a shake for breakfast and one for lunch, I'm ready to evacuate my bowels by 3pm. It's the first thing I do when I get home because I've been holding it in all afternoon. Then I have to scrub the toilet afterwards because it looks like a poop shotgun just went off in my bowl!

Will...daily...wrote:

You’re not right in the head!

DOWN HOME

Will and I recently traveled back to my home town of Hilliard for a family reunion. We stayed with my parents in Fernandina and made the trip to Hilliard on Saturday. Traveling that back road from Fernandina to Hilliard always brings back lots of memories. I remember taking driver’s ed classes on that road and scaring Mr. Turvey to death. I remember laying in the back of Daddy’s truck with my cousins and friends, while traveling to the beach, and singing “Islands in the Stream” at the top of our lungs.

We passed the air traffic control center which hasn’t changed a bit, and took a right shortly thereafter to visit my grandparents (The Chapman’s) first. Their house looks exactly the same and I love to go there. It has most of the same furniture, pictures….even refrigerator magnets. It is comforting to sit as a family in the living room where we have sat many times to catch up.

My youngest niece rocked in a rocking chair that belonged to my grandmother as a child, while Will showed my other two nieces all the pictures of our family that my grandparents have collected over the years. They are displayed on their wall in the den and most have been there for decades.

After we left my grandparents, we went up to the red light and took a right by Flash Foods. I remembered that I used to think Flash Foods was so named because our school mascot was the Flashes. Will got a good laugh about that one.

It’s strange how most things in Hilliard haven’t changed…a good thing. But, while we were traveling down Andrews Road, I did comment to Will that I remembered when that was a dirt road. I vividly remember flying into the ditch one day on my way to school and I very much remember not being able to get out. I also remember getting a little lecture from Mrs. Copps about it. I deserved it.

We took a right off of Andrew’s and headed to my aunt’s. My aunt and uncle have lived on the same piece of land forever and a day. We have had many get togethers out there in those woods. Talking about the good ‘ol days was great.

My cousin, Kristy and I, like to talk about the time we crawled out of a window in her trailer in the middle of the night and snuck out to her pond for a swim that was cut short by our fear of snakes. To get out of the window was difficult as we had quite a drop to the ground. We have often wondered why we didn’t just use the front door!

I love to hear all of the old stories from our family’s past and I always learn something new when we get together. I learned that Mama could tie a cherry stem into a knot with her teeth as a teenager. I learned that one of the older family members used to throw firecrackers in his house just for laughs. And, I learned that my Grandfather Nelson used to make the best sweet tea in the South. I wish I could ask him for the recipe.

The family has grown. As a few of us stood in the yard talking, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that all of the kids were running around laughing together. The next generation…I laughed as I remembered myself and all of us cousins at that age. I could see our faces in theirs and wished for a second that we were all that young again.

Even though everyone lives all over the place, gas is too high, and it takes an act of congress for everyone to get off work at once, we all know that there will be other get togethers and we’ll look forward to when we meet up again…down home.

LAZY DAY

Bad news about the AC--it has a major leak. The final quote to fix it is $1205. I guess that is one of the disadvantages to owning a home...can't call the landlord! We are going to ask around to see what other people with the same problem have paid before we make a decision. It's sad, but you just never can tell if people are trying to pull one over on ya. The repairman put enough freon in to last a few months, so he said.

Before lunch today, I took a long walk in the sun with Justin Timberlake blaring in my ears, because he is helping me "bring sexy back." Ha! When I got home, I walked around my yard collecting blackberries from various bushes. They are small, but they are good. It looks like we will get plenty more before the summer is over. I added them to some strawberries that I bought from the store for a perfect little treat. I always feel like a kid again when I get to pick blackberries right off the vine. These blackberries are smaller than the ones from my youth, but getting stuck by the briars feels the same!

As you can tell, I love summertime fruits and vegetables. We've been getting our daily servings in for sure, but don't tell Will that he is eating healthy. I try to keep that on the down low. Today, I snuck some boiled zuchinni into our baked chicken and onions and he didn't even notice. Maybe we will get his cholesterol and my blood pressure down yet.

I've been spinning every day and I have really enjoyed it. Oh, and I also pulled a muscle in my back trying to do a push-up! (Dwayne, If you are reading this, I know you are laughing at me right now.) I've been doing some light strength training, which I also enjoy. I am going to have to get back into the gym soon though, because I enjoy group exercise more.

Willie and I are getting ready to go for a little walk before dinner. The weather has been nice today--not too hot.

PS--For those who don't know, Will's family calls him Willie. When I met him though, he introduced himself as Will. Some people think I changed his name to Will, but why would I have cared if his name was Willie??? To make things even more confusing, my grandmother named our parrot Willis, but sometimes she called him Willie, and Willis calls himself Will-Will quite a bit. People always ask us if we named the parrot after Will, which I find hilarious.

RANDOM STUFF

I learned something today. I do NOT like rye bread. Ugh! What is the deal with that junk? Why does it taste like a mixture of vinegar and pickle juice? Gross, gross, gross!

Our air conditioner froze up today. That is not good since it is mega hot here. The repair people are going to be here tomorrow to fix it. The dude we talked to said that it sounds like it just needs freon, but he can't look at it until the ice melts. It is pretty hot in here right now.

Will set a fan up in the living room and Willis thinks it is his new girlfriend. He has talked to it non-stop! I think he is in love. He has counted to FIVE for it many times and keeps telling it the creepy crawler is coming and "tickle, tickle, tickle!" I can hear him down there right now talking away.

I read in a magazine yesterday that if you cut your sugar down to 45 grams per day and your calories to 1500, you will lose weight easily. The 1500 calories a day is easy and I thought the 45 grams of sugar a day would be too. Whatever! Everything has sugar in it...everything. For breakfast, I had coffee, a Kashi bar, and yogurt and was already up to 35 grams....forget that idea.

I went to Ingles today and they were giving away free watermelons if you spent $50 or more. My bill only came to $35 so I didn't get one. I get tired of paying $6 for green watermelons. I'll have to make a trip to the produce market this week.

There isn't anything new around here. Oh yeah...no one...not one single person... has called me about a job. I even put an ad in the paper saying I would sit with hospitalized or house confined people while their family runs errands, works, whatever...no luck. Oh well, I'm not overly disappointed. I've been keeping myself busy with things that I have let slip around the house, so that's an advantage to not working I guess. I'll keep my ad in the paper a while longer.

In case you are wondering, I can still hear Willis talking to the fan. He is doing his high/low thing right now, where he sings the word "high" in a very high octave and then "low" in a low octave...funny stuff.

THE GOLDEN RULE

Isn't the news depressing these days? Will and I have often discussed opening a news station that just broadcasted good news. Wouldn't that be a concept?

Luke 6:31-"And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." The Golden Rule. People across the world are familiar with this common motto of humanity. Do unto others as you'd have done unto you. A simple, but powerful, statement.

Sometimes I find myself wondering how there could be so much hate in this world. But, I personally feel there is more good out there and the bad is just focused on. The shock factor appears to lure us in. News stations provide "teasers" throughout the day such as, "Watch at 6 to learn about the baby that was thrown in the dumpster." or "Woman runs over her husband after he cheats on her."

Because of all the negativity in the world, little things that are "good" stand out to me in a major way. This past Sunday, Will and I were at a redlight. In front of us was a big Mercedes. An elderly man was driving it and he had a wheelchair tied to the back of it. When the light turned green, the man's car would not move. Will jumped out and began pushing the car to try and help him get out of the busy road and into a nearby parking lot.

He was pushing as hard as he could. That type of car is very heavy and he wasn't making much progress. It was also really hot that day. As I wondered what we were going to do to help this man, I noticed the man behind me open his truck door. He ran up to the car and began helping Will push. Even with the both of them, it was barely moving.

As they sweated, a truck coming in the other direction stopped in the median and a man ran over as fast as he could to help them. Now there were 3. A few seconds later, two men in a nearby parking lot sprinted to the car and began pushing. Now there were 5 of them. They pushed it a pretty long way. They stood in the parking lot, hands on their knees, trying to catch their breath. They gave each other a quick grin and then went back to where they came from knowing that they helped someone in need.

As I observed all of this, I teared up. Man is good. Man does do unto others as they would have done unto them. There is more good out there than bad. The bad are just given unnecessary attention.

"Tune in a 6 to hear about 5 strangers who worked together to help a man in need." Wouldn't that be a concept?

HH TRIP

We’d never been to Hilton Head and decided to go there on vacation this year. We were there Tuesday-Saturday of last week. We stayed at Sea Pines Resort and it was a very laid back kind of place…loved it.

We arrived on the island about 3:00 Tuesday. After some initial confusion with our reservation, we were given a map to our villa. As we drove to it, we were pleasantly surprised by the beautiful trees that lined the road. It felt as if we were in the woods, not at the beach.

Our place was on the second floor overlooking the pool…score! The condo was really large. It had everything in it, from a kitchen to a full sized walk-in closet in the bedroom. The bathtub was unlike any I had ever seen. It was very deep and to get in it, we had to climb up some stairs up and then climb down into it…hard to explain. It was crazy, but soaking in it was nice. Above the tub was a huge sky light which allowed us views of the sky and trees…relaxing.

Beside the pool was a lagoon. In the lagoon, was an alligator. There are many alligators over the Sea Pines Resort property. There are signs telling people not to feed them. What does one try to feed an alligator anyway? Cheetos?

Tuesday night we ate at a restaurant called Topside at the Quarterdeck. It was right on the marina and we were given a window view. The sun was going down and it was just gorgeous. I had filet mignon which was really good. Will had some kind of pineapple salsa pork chop which he also liked. For dessert, he had bourbon pecan pie, which he ate in about two bites. After dinner, we walked around the marina a while and then headed out to the beach. It was absolutely breath taking because the moon was full and it was lit up and it was just wonderful. Being out there that night released months of stored up stress in seconds.

Wednesday morning, we got on our bikes and headed to a bakery. I guess I should tell you about the bikes. At this resort, you rent beach bikes, which are nothing like the spin bikes I am used to. Beach bikes have huge seats and loose handlebars. Spin bikes have tiny seats and stationary handle bars.

I didn’t think I would have any problems on the beach bike. WRONG! I quickly realized as we headed out that when people passed me going the opposite way, my bike would lean into them instead of away like I told it to do! Oh yes, I was talking to it. By the end of the trip, I was saying some words to it that nice southern girls don’t say.

I had the worst time trying to get used to that thing. The biking itself was very easy. It required little physical effort. It was the trying not to hit people part that was hard. I never did get used to it the entire time I was there. I screamed a lot and crashed a lot. Will, on the other hand, loved them. And, he loved making fun of me.

After breakfast, we headed to Lawton Stables where we had an appointment to go on an hour long horseback ride. Neither one of us have ridden many horses. The first thing we had to do when we got there was sign a waiver of course. Then we were directed to a bench with a can of bug spray and were told that it was “highly suggested” that we apply bug spray. If you live in the south and someone tells you that you should probably put on bug spray, how many of you would do it? Raise your hand. Just as I thought, all of you!

Well, this one dang city slicker decided she was too good for bug spray so I was like, whatever, you will learn. Once we were directed over to the horses and told to wait in a line, she got bit by something and about had a cow. And, I about had a cow laughing! I’m laughing now just thinking about it. It was just too hilarious! Guess what she did next? Had her son run back to the bench to get the bug spray where she proceeded to spray it on herself with the horses right beside us. Guess who doesn’t like bug spray? Horses! They started neighing…is that how you spell it…and having a fit. I then gave city slicker the look that said it all.

Ok, while we waited in a line, we were sized up by a man who would get a horse and then scan the line for the person that he thought would be suitable for it. I’m guessing that weight was a big factor. Will got picked to ride a horse named Bonita. He was given basic instructions on how to direct the horse and went and waited in line with the others.

My horse’s name was Tiger Lily and it was an adventure getting on her. For one thing, right when I had one leg over, she started trying to walk. That was really fun. Then once I finally got up there, the stirrups were too long and it took them FOREVER to fix them. Everyone else waited patiently for me. I keep telling them just to let my feet hang, but they told me I needed them in case we galloped. I don’t know who they thought was going to be doing any galloping, because I sure wasn’t! When I finally got near Will, I was like, “Were you scared that the horse was going to throw me off?” He said he didn’t even know the entire time that anything was wrong. Men!

Finally got on the trail and took an hour ride through the woods. It was really beautiful. We saw a snake and a gator. There was one problem though. About 10 minutes into the ride, I started hurting…my thighs and bootie. The girl in front of me, whose horse had major gas, told me that I would be sore in my abs the next day. She was right. I was pretty much sore everywhere. But, I don’t regret doing it. It was fun. Will really enjoyed it as well, more than he thought he would.

Once we got back to the stable, Will’s horse decided she wasn’t waiting for all the other horses. She tried to squeeze through all of us to get to the front and when that didn’t work she backed up and went the other way. Will was like, “Hello? Hello?” She wouldn’t do anything he told her to and I greatly enjoyed the laugh.

At the end, they take pictures. They told me and Will to get side by side on the horses and they would take the picture. Let me tell you, Tiger Lily was not about to take any pictures! They kept telling me to pull tighter on the reins so she would stop. I couldn’t have pulled any tighter. She wanted to get back in line with the other horses. The staff told me that she is the most temperamental horse that they have and that’s when Will proceeded to tell them that they picked the perfect rider for her. He’s a wiener. Anyway, they snapped the pictures the best they could.

After the horse ride, we went to the beach for a while. It was way too hot and we didn’t bring our umbrella. And Mr. Will refused to wear his bathing suit…because he likes to drive me utterly insane…so we couldn’t get in the water. We went back to the room and took a nap until it was time to get ready for dinner.

We chose a BBQ place that was supposed to be really good. It was off the resort and we were really looking forward to it. Will ended up loving his ribs. I got pulled pork and thought it looked exactly like pasta noodles. It was gross.

Next we went over to a little shopping center. We went into one place that had different kinds of bird things, like key rings, coffee mugs, etc. We are always on the lookout for Willis look-alike stuff so we looked forever in that place for him. We couldn’t find anything. We were disappointed, but on the way out, I glanced at a shelf and could not believe my eyes! There was a figurine that looked just like Willis! I had a little celebration right there in the store. It was only $14 and we love it.

Next, we walked by a shop that had a Macaw outside of its shop. Her name was Tiki. It was crazy because the bird just gets out of its cage when it wants to and walks down the sidewalk! Once it got down and started walking far away so Will went in to tell the owner and I got down there with her and tried to convince her to go back to her cage. Yes, the people walking by thought I was insane. The owner came out and told us that the bird likes to walk in the shop next door and pull the clothes off their racks! I sat there and played with that bird for like an hour straight. I had to get out my Willis statue, of course, to show the owner.

While we were talking to him, some punk kids came up and tried to harass the poor bird. The owner pushed one of them and told them to leave and I thought we were getting ready to be involved in a lovely little brawl. “Daddy and Mama, Can y’all come get us? We done got in a fight up in here at the Hilton Head and this is the only call we get.” I was sad to leave Tiki and wish I would have taken a picture of her.

Thursday morning, we slept in and then went and had lunch at a little place on the beach. We had picked up a beach umbrella the night before so we were prepared for the day. But, once we got on the beach, I noticed that it was way too windy for the umbrella. Do you think stubborn head would listen to me? Noooooo! He tried to put it up and it flipped inside out and flew off and it was all he could do to keep it from hitting some people behind us. We provided lots of entertainment while we worked to get it put away.

We sat out at the beach awhile and then headed home to get ready for dinner at an Italian place that I was excited about. It was a fancy little place and we loved it. I had homemade ribbons of pasta with marinara, veal, pork, and beef….yummy stuff. Will had duck which he absolutely loved. He did think of Willis once but the guilt passed quickly. For dessert, we had Tiramisu. I had mine boxed up but drank some very good coffee while I waited on him to finish. We went out to the marina afterwards and walked around a while.

Friday morning, I was determined to get some more beach time in. We had a quick breakfast and then got out there fairly early. We were able to set our umbrella up this time and opened it when we got hot. We even got in the water once. I couldn’t believe it. Since the whole sting ray incident (another story), I usually don’t get in the water. But, it was fun and I stayed close to Will so I could jump on his back if anything weird came by in the water.

We stayed on the beach the better part of the day. Late afternoon we came home and got our bikes and rode them on the beach. I really enjoyed that because there weren’t any people to hit! It was relaxing.

We had dinner at a place on the golf course. It was a little too snooty for us and the food wasn’t good. Also, I don’t think they like it when you wear your lime green flip flops with the blue parrots on them in there.

Saturday morning we packed up and headed home. I was very sad to leave, but was glad to get home as well. It was a good trip.

SPINNING AND BBQ

I, quite possibly, could get used to this being on break stuff really fast. I am looking for a job to fill my time between break and the start of a new class beginning in August. Part of me wants someone to call and part of me doesn't. I have applied for 11 jobs so far, anything from Wal-Mart to a home health sitter. Maybe someone will call tomorrow. Maybe they wont.

This morning I got up around 8 and crawled downstairs to the coffee pot. Since the onset of nursing school, I have become quite obsessed with coffee...absolutely can't function without it. As I sipped it with my eyes closed, I tried to plan out some sort of day.

Most of you know that I like to spin (check it out at spinning.com). I used to spin every day and was part of a very active class at the gym. I even bought my own bike to use at home. After a couple of years, I managed to get myself in pretty decent shape. Then some idiot literally came and burned the gym down one night. He was a disgruntled employee. That is another story. Anyway, it broke my heart. I tried two other gyms and they were just nothing like the first place. I rode at home off and on when I could, but since the start of school, I've barely had time to breathe. Couple that with the fact that fast food is a large part of my diet between clinicals and lecture and...presto...the addition of TWENTY pounds...lovely.

So, I informed myself this morning during my coffee wake-up ritual that I was going to get on my spin bike today. I decided to go to the store first and buy some motivation music...JT is what I ended up with. I cranked him up loud and just rode all out for 30 minutes making up my own routine as I went along. Even though my muscles were screaming at me the whole time, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I probably wont be able to walk tomorrow, but I plan to get back on and continue to do so until I can do an hour again and then I will try again to find a good spin class to join.

Will came home for lunch after my little workout and I made him lunch. He loves this idea of lunch being made for him every day now. I actually enjoy it though and don't mind. I like to find recipes and try new things. Today, I made him a sandwich on toasted chibalta bread with turkey, swiss cheese, and tomatoes. I layered the sandwich with olive oil seasoned with salt and pepper. I added an apple and yogurt and a big glass of sweet tea of course.

When Will went back to work, I attemped to lay out. I don't know why I even try because it is just too hot. I only lasted 20 minutes. But, hey, I'll take 20 minutes vs none at all.

I did some housework and then applied for a couple more jobs. Once Will got home, we decided to grill out. We found a patio set at Lowes a few weeks ago for $49. We've never had a patio set before so we really think we are it now. We've always liked to grill out and always cook too much food. We fried some squash, and grilled some corn, sausage, pork chops and texas toast (see picture of Will's plate). We have enough food to last the week now. Oh, and there goes the calories burned on the spin bike today. Oh well...

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPITY DO

So, I got it in my mind that I needed to get a spray tan for an upcoming trip to Hilton Head. I have tried many times this year to lay out and it is just too hot! I really need to get a little pool, even if it is just big enough to float in. Some of you may remember when I had a redneck pool, so named, because I put it right in my driveway. I loved that pool.

Anyway, I called to book the spray tan. I told the lady I had never had one before. She informed me that they would scrub all the dead skin off first, then put me under a vichey shower, and then spray me. I was like, a vichey what?

The morning of the appointment, I had my final exam for psych nursing. After the exam, I had coffee and donuts with friends (hey friends!) to celebrate the fact that we made it through another class. By the time I reached the spa, I was good and tired.

When I walked in, I was told to change into a robe and slippers. I was like, “What am I supposed to wear under the robe?” The lady said, “Oh, nothing. They are going to give you some paper underwear anyway.” It was at this point that the internal laughing began and I realized that I had gotten myself into yet another adventure.

Feeling quite absurd, I donned my robe and slippers and was told to climb a spiral staircase to a waiting room. I climbed and climbed and needed some oxygen by the time I got to the top. I was sent to a waiting room with some kind of hippie music playing. It was dark and there were candles everywhere. There I sat, waiting for something to happen. I guess I was supposed to be relaxing. I’m not sure.

Finally, I was taken into a room and given the much anticipated paper underwear. They consisted of two strings, make that three strings, and a little tiny piece of paper for the front. Fun! I was told to put it on and then lay face down on a table.

Ok, first of all, this room was also dark, except for candles, and also had the hippie music. I was wondering when the peace pipe was going to be brought in the whole time. Anyway, the lady comes back in and proceeds to rub some kind of lotion on my feet. I’m sorry, but I was pretty uncomfortable. So…what did I do? Started talking ninety to nothing! The whole time she was scrubbing me with this lotion stuff, I was talking up a storm. “You going anywhere on vacation? I just finished my nursing final. You got any pets? How long have you been married? How long, exactly, does it take one to train for this kind of job?”

I’m pretty sure I was supposed to not talk during all of this and relax into it. Whatever!

After she scrubbed me half to death, it was time for the vichey shower. It consisted of a long bar with 7 shower heads, which the lady directed over my body for thirty full minutes…THIRTY! I must admit that this part was pretty relaxing. It was too loud to talk and it was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep. It was kind of like being in a car wash. I did almost drown once because I put my face down in some water on accident.

Ok, so fast forward to the end of the shower. I was told to lay there as long as I wanted. As soon as she left the room, I was up and putting my robe back on. I think I was supposed to stay in that room, but decided to go sit back in the lobby until she was ready for me. So, there I was with a shower cap on my head, and sitting in my robe, and another lady came into the lobby. She was there to get a massage. Now, she and I sat there and chatted it up like we had known each other forever! Then, my lady came back to get me.

I’m just not sure I was ready for this part. She told me to disrobe and that she would get me some more paper underwear if I wanted but they would cause tan lines. I opted to pass since the feeling of them being up my hind end wasn’t my cup of tea anyway. Then I was directed to stand on a blanket that had a fan behind it and had to drop my robe…sort of felt like a gynecologist visit at this point. Not good….

As I stood there, the lady sprayed me with something that looked like a water hose with a container attached to it. “Lift your arms. Turn to the left. Turn backwards…..and my personal favorite one…turn to the side and put one foot out as if doing a lunge.” Ok, people…me with a stranger…doing a naked lunge....yep.

After she was done, she told me that I could get dressed but not to put any underwear on and not to take a shower for 16 to 24 hours….16 to 24 hours. I was very, very sticky. It was just the grossest feeling. I came home and sat on towels in my recliner. As the hours went by, I began to see the orange setting in. I know fake tans when I see ‘em and this definitely was one!

By the next day, my face looked really orange and I had orange palms and feet. Given everything, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t go through this again.

After a day in Hilton Head and swimming in chlorine, the color faded and I was able to get a real tan…without doing one single naked lunge.